Outcasts Draft 1

For the first time, maybe, I have finished a piece of writing that I was writing for my own enjoyment, not for an assignment or under "commission" from someone else.

I posted it as the Outcasts Draft 1. Feel free to comment on it.

Now that I have had a chance to set it aside and work on a few other things (like Christmas Programs, Christmas Plays, laundry, etc) there are plenty of things I want to change. 

1. My biggest question after reading it is, "what is the point?" I know that stories don't have to have a lesson or a moral or anything like that, but they are better stories if they have a point to them. Currently it is just a journey story, but the purpose of the journey and the result of the journey aren't really addressed. There is a bigger world in this story and I have made up lots of back stories and related stories, but they need to enhance this story, not become their own thing yet.

2. I like these characters. They have played around in my head long enough that I really like them. But they tend to be a little one dimensional and inconsistent. And writing dialogue is really hard! It is hard to make people I really like do things I really don't like. I want them to be good and happy and make everything good and happy, but then I don't have a story. I kind of feel that is what happened in certain parts of this story.

3. The characters don't really have journeys of their own. I have been playing around with this idea a bit today and the story is taking a different shape, but the characters are more nuanced. 

There are other things, like I am not happy with some of the writing style and such, but I have shared it for comments, feedback and such, hoping that it will help me create a better story.

Saying No

One of the decisions that Thomas and I made was for me to not direct the school play. I had been anticipating directing, searching for a play, beginning to build a team, and getting a bit excited. But Malcolm is not ready to be away from me for three days a week. Eamon was the same way a few years ago, and he grew out of it, so I am not concerned about Malcolm. Instead, it has given me the chance to say, "No" to myself and "Yes" to him.

Interestingly, since we made that decision, there have been so many confirmations that it was the right one. Encouragement from my parents, understanding from my friends, and even random articles I encounter have been about the freedom in saying "No." But there was also the day when I was away, during the hours I would have directed. When I got home, I was exhausted. We wouldn't have had supper if Thomas hadn't taken us out to eat. I could hardly function. Then there was the day that we had extra people in our house. That night both boys woke up several times, wanting to know I was there and wasn't going to leave.

It has also freed me to pursue other areas of creativity and study. I started tutoring a student in Latin. I have almost finished a meditative book. I have another book about business that I started and has shown me how much I have to learn. I have been researching a lot of Sunday School things. And I have an idea to get back into reading Educational Philosophy again. I also have sewn two masks/coifs that I have designed from scratch.

I see now, that the gifts that I use when I direct are being used in other places. The organization and administration is being used and developed as I do work for the Board of ICS and as Sunday School Superintendent. The way I love to listen to people and make them feel comfortable talking is really helping as I conduct interviews, make phone calls, and write emails to all sorts of people. My love to create things that I see in my head shows as I take the time to sit and sew while my boys play and as I prepare for "school" with the boys.

Saying "No" to directing the play was hard. Really hard. I love theater and directing and my students. But it is so encouraging to see God using that hard choice to free me to better love him, my family, my church, and even my students in new ways. And this isn't a "No" to theater forever. Just a "Yes" to my family's current needs.

Friday Review

So this has been a terrible 100 Words Week. I actually didn't spend a lot of time on my computer, so it wasn't like I was just not writing... I was doing other stuff.

Quote of the week: "No No No." Both boys have been experimenting with independence in their own special ways. It has been very exhausting for their mother.

Project of the week: Mopping the Kitchen Floor! It got done! I am so happy. Because it finally happened...

Other completed project of the week: My Pantry cupboard! My wonderful older brother gave me a wardrobe that was being junked. I turned it into a pantry.

Music of the week: Music Together. Our last class was Thursday, but the songs keep popping up in conversation and games. The original song goes, "One little owl goes whoo, whoo; Two little owls go whoo whoo, Three little owls go whoo, whoo as they sat in the old oak tree." But I heard Malcolm substitute "Bad guys go bang pew pew."

Overall summary: Last weekend Thomas and I had a much needed date where we talked about a lot of things and came to absolutely no decisions. But we laid the foundation for decisions to be made. I finished the next step in the kitchen project, and have just a few more adjustments so my kitchen won't become the collectors stop for junk. One of those adjustments has is putting the boys "art supplies" in places they can reach, while keeping my art supplies out of their hands. The other is finding a place for all the papers and toys and stuff on the counter. The next project is finishing my office space.

Control?

There is a concept in psychology that if you resist temptation, it will be a lot harder to do it again. This idea that humans have a limited amount of will power has shaped all sorts of treatment plans, dieting and exercising plans, as well as so many other things. And "ego depletion" is now being called into question. You can listen to the SciShow explanation on YouTube and they explain it better than I can. However, it touches on a Truth that I keep learning. It is the principle of Self-Control.

When I was younger, Dad told about a friend in college who didn't eat desserts because he wanted to teach himself self-control. As I remember it, he denied himself something he liked, just because he believed denying himself was a good thing. I don't think I quite understood the story until I started observing Lent. And I don't think I understood Lent until I grasped the connection between humility, love, and self-control.

In the book, Families Where Grace is in Place, Jeff VanVonderen states that, "Control is the language of the Devil." When we try to control others and our relationships are based in getting others to do what I want them to do, we are acting contrary to God's plan, even if our kids are obeying or our spouses complying. We are not creating a Christian home, but rather a devilish home, full of manipulation, tension, legalism, and shame.

On the other hand, one of books about Easter Orthodoxy talked about how controlling ourselves frees us to love. To love others, we must lay down our lives, like Christ. If we are unwilling to deny ourselves, we are not really loving anyone. Instead, we are trying to get them to do what we want; we are controlling them.

This ties back in to Dad's "Respond Rightly" - I can't control a lot of things, but I can always "respond rightly." My brother took my toy - respond rightly. I don't like salmon loaf - respond rightly. I don't want to do my homework - respond rightly.

So, I want to love God and love others. That love means that I must be self-controlled, not in some reserved, stoic way, but in a humble, denying-my-wants way. I am not saying desserts are bad, or TV is bad, or whatever else I deny myself is bad. On the contrary, they are good and should be enjoyed, but when I indulge in them rather than make a controlled choice to partake, I have become a slave to my wants and must resort to manipulation, legalism, and shame to make myself feel "good." 

Jesus said, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it." (Luke 9:23-24) The idea of ego depletion or limited will power doesn't fit, even though self-control is exhausting work, and time and practice don't seem to make it any easier. But it does shed new light on, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)

Sunday Meditations

I've had a few thoughts over the weekend. I wanted to try to write them down, but I didn't. I took a break. I rested. I didn't do the things that I thought I had to do. I thought I would get all stressed out because I have so much to do, but I didn't. Because it was a conscious choice to not do my chores but instead sit with the boys, watch a movie with friends, or just sit and talk to Thomas, I found that I didn't fret about all the other things to do.

Feeling sick for a few days got me to slow down enough to be able to rest. I don't mean lazing about not doing anything because I don't feel like it. But actually resting... consciously laying down the burdens of the day, the spiritual and emotional burdens, as well as the physical and stuff-to-do burdens. Then taking the time to notice the boys or enjoy friendships or talk and listen to my husband.

This resting has followed a week of thinking about "putting off" and "putting on." I will have to write more about that later. For now, the conscious "putting on" of rest had to follow the "putting off" of my to-do list, not the other way around. I wonder how many more character traits work that way? We don't "put on" something without "putting off" something else first.

Friday Review

The last few days, I went to bed instead of writing.

Conversation of the week:

Me: Put your Nuk and Blanky in a safe place, not in the middle of the floor.
Malcolm: In my mouth? (puts it in mouth) In my pants? (takes it out and looks at it) In the middle of the floor? (drops them in the middle of the floor and runs off)

Feeling of the week: General malaise.

Music of the week: Music Together! The boys and I went to a Music Camp together. We sang, danced, listened to stories, and had fun with music. We have two more classes, but the boys have declared they don't like to dance.

Goal of the week that didn't get done: Scrubbing the floor.

Goal of the week that did get done: Desk is down from the attic. Computer is set up at desk.

General overview: The last few days have been a little busy and crazy and not very fun. I have felt ill and tired. It has been hot and humid outside. Thomas has had headaches. The boys have been their usual crazy selves.

Princess Poppy

Once upon a time there was a little boy named Eamon, a little boy named Malcolm, and a little boy named Eoin.
They were big boys.
Ok, big boys. And these big boys went on an adventure.
Well, Malcolm was a little boy but Eamon and Eoin were big boys.Ok, Eamon, Eoin, and Malcolm went out into a field near Eamon and Malcolm’s house.
It was Grandma and Grandpa’s house. We don’t have any fields near our house.This is a story. In the story we have a field near our house.
OK, and Miss Jayme and the babies stayed in the house with you, Mommy and made cookies.
In the field was a great big hole and at the bottom of the hole was a door. Eamon, Eoin, and Malcolm crawled down into the hole and knocked on the door. They heard a scratch scratch on the other side of the door and they smelled some delicious smells coming under the door. They knocked again and this time the door opened. There stood a groundhog a little taller than Eoin. She was wearing an apron and on her hand was an oven mitt. She looked over her glasses and said, “Hello, boys, I am so glad you came today. We have a problem. My oven won’t get hot enough to cook… oh, and Princess Poppy is missing! Would you help find her?”

“Sure” said Eamon. “Sure” said Eoin. “Sure” said Malcolm.

“Then come in and get your armor and provisions.” Mrs. Groundhog brought them into her house and opened a great big cupboard. Inside there were swords and shields and bows and arrows. Eamon and Eoin took swords and shields, Malcolm took a dagger and a bow and some arrows. Then Mrs. Groundhog handed them some backpacks full of cookies and juice and sandwiches. “If you go to the old Oak Tree, you will find King Rabbit, Princess Poppy’s father. He will tell you when she went missing and if there are any clues.

So Eamon, Eoin, and Malcolm started out the back door. Straight ahead of them, down by a stream was a big old oak tree with a door in its roots. By the door were two rabbits both wearing crowns. Queen Bunny was crying and King Rabbit was pacing back and forth muttering, “What shall we do?” When he looked up and saw the three boys, he jumped up into the air, and took his wife’s paw. “Look Queen Bunny! These brave knights will rescue our princess!” He turned to the boys. “Princess Poppy was sitting outside our front door this morning, eating some of Mrs. Groundhog’s cookies. We heard a roar and saw a great big shadow. When we ran out, Princess Poppy was gone and there was this burnt spot where she was sitting.”

Eoin said, “Our clues are a roar, a big shadow, and a burnt spot. I think we are looking for a dragon.”

Malcolm said, “It might have been a giant with a flame thrower.” He pulled a telescope from his backpack.

Eamon said, “Probably a dragon. But either way, we should start by looking for some caves.”

“Look,” said Malcolm, “there is a big mountain over there. If you look through my eyescope, you can see a cave near the top.”

“And it looks like some smoke is coming out of it!” Eoin said after taking a turn with the telescope.

“Let’s start by going there,” said Eamon as he took his turn.

So off the three boys went. They crossed the stream with the help of Mr. Turtle and began climbing the mountain. They hadn’t gone too far when they saw a burnt mark on a rock. After some investigation, near the bottom of the rock was some crumbs. “Hmm,” said Eamon. “These crumbs smell like Mrs. Groundhog’s house. I wonder if they are from some of her cookies?”

But since they couldn’t find anything else, the kept climbing the mountain. Pretty soon they heard a rumbling roaring sound. “What was that!?” said Eoin.

Malcolm said, “It was my belly growling. I am so hungry!” So they stopped and ate some provisions that Mrs. Groundhog had packed for them. Then they hear the rumbling roar again. “Is that your stomach?” asked Eoin. Malcolm said, “Not this time. That sounded like it was coming from up the mountain.” They quickly packed their bags and started climbing again.

A little further Eamon smelled something. “What is that awful smell? It smells like burning food! I hope we aren’t too late to save Princess Poppy!” “Oh no,” said Malcolm, “Do you think the dragon or giant or whatever it was is cooking Princess Poppy!?” “I don’t think so,” said Eamon. “This smells more like burning cookies, not like burning meat, which is what Princess Poppy would be.” Eoin sniffed the air. “All the same, we had better hurry.”

They began to climb as fast as they could. The smell of burning cookies grew stronger and stronger. Finally they saw the cave just ahead of them. They paused in the shadows on the edge of the clearing around the cave. Smoke was coming out of the cave. All of a sudden, they heard Princess Poppy’s voice.

“You burnt them again! How am I supposed to make you cookies if you burn them all the time?”

Then they heard the rumbling roar again and out of the cave slid a dejected dragon. He put his head on a big rock and two tears slipped out of his eyes.

Eoin said, “I’ve heard that dragons can make tears come out of their eyes to try to trick their prey into carelessness. We must slip behind him into the cave and see if Princess Poppy is in there.”

Eamon replied, “I’ll keep guard out here and hoot like an owl if the dragon moves.”

So Malcolm and Eoin began sneaking toward the cave, keeping in the shadows of the forrest as long as possible. Just as they reached the entrance of the cave, Malcolm sneezed. The dragon spun around. “Run, Eoin!” Malcolm yelled, “Get Princess Poppy!” He fitted an arrow into his bow and aimed at the dragon’s gaping mouth. Eamon, avoiding the dragons flying tail, drew his sword and yelled, “Hey, Dragon, are you hungry?”

The Dragon breathed a huge flash of fire into the air, turned to Eamon and said in a rumbling roaring voice, “All I want is some COOKIES!”

At that moment, Eoin came running out of the cave with Princess Poppy on his back. “Stop! Don’t hurt him!” The dragon turned to see Eoin and breathed another blast of fire, this time right in front of Eoin. Eoin raised his shield and blocked the blast, but Malcolm fly an arrow that bounced off the dragon’s hard crest, and Eamon jumped up on the Dragon’s back, using the spikes down his back like a climbing wall.

“Jump off, Princess Poppy!” shouted Eoin and drew his sword too. The dragon looked from boy to boy and shook his head to try to see Eamon too. But by this time Eamon had climbed up onto his head and flung a rope around his snout, tying his mouth shut. He swung down to stand next to Eoin. “No more fire, Dragon!” he yelled. “What’s this about cookies?”

The dragon rumbled something, but Eoin said, “He can’t talk with his mouth tied shut, but Princess Poppy said he wasn’t trying to eat her, but he did keep burning her cookies.”

Malcolm lowered his bow, “Dragon, can you talk without breathing fire?” The dragon nodded his head sadly. “I’m for letting him talk, we can get him if he tries anything.”

As soon as his mouth was free, the dragon began telling how he was flying along that morning and had smelled a delicious smell coming from the old Oak Tree. When he flew down he had seen Princess Poppy eating cookies and thinking it would be better for Princess Poppy to make him cookies that to take her cookies from her, he took her to his cave. Princess Poppy had made cookies for him, but whenever he tried to breath fire on them to cook them, he burnt them.

Eamon sheathed his sword and took off his backpack. “Here, Dragon. Have some cookies. I’m sorry I tied your mouth shut.”

The dragon gobbled up the cookies. “Mmmm, those are delicious cookies. Did you make them, little bunny?” he asked Princess Poppy.

She replied, “No. Everybody knows that Mrs. Groundhog makes the best cookies in the forrest and meadow and everywhere in between. I was trying to use her recipe for all the cookies you burnt.”

“Oh woe is me,” the dragon began. “I guess I am doomed to stealing cookies for the rest of my life.”

“No, no, no!” shouted Eamon, Eoin, and Malcolm. Malcolm continued, “I have an idea. What if you gave us all a ride back down the mountain. I bet King Rabbit will know what to do.”

So the dragon crouched down and Eamon, Eoin, Malcolm, and Princess Poppy all climbed on his back. “Ooh, you are hot to touch!” squealed Princess Poppy “Hot like an oven!” The dragon spread his wings and flew down the mountain.

There was King Rabbit and Queen Bunny and Mrs. Groundhog waiting for them. After hearing their story, King Rabbit turned to Mrs. Groundhog. “I think we have a solution to your oven problem, Mrs. Groundhog. Do you think you and the dragon could work together to make cookies?”

“Hmm,” Mrs. Groundhog turned to the dragon. “I will pay you two batches of cookies every week if you will heat my oven every morning with your dragon fire.”

The dragon blew fire into the air. “When do I start?” So King Rabbit and Queen Bunny took Princess Poppy home for a nap. And the dragon, Mrs. Groundhog, Eoin, Eamon, and Malcolm all went back to Mrs. Groundhog’s house. While Mrs. Groundhog showed the dragon how to heat up her stove, the boys put their weapons and provisions away, hanging their backpacks in the hall.

“Will you stay for tea?” asked Mrs. Groundhog. “Not today,” the boys answered. “Our Mommys are making some cookies especially for us.”

So they said goodbye and crawled out of Mrs. Groundhog’s house and followed their noses back to Eamon and Malcolm’s house, where the smell of freshly baked cookies filtered out of the kitchen to all the surrounding lands.

From Grandeur to Grumps

Happy 4th of July!

In the morning I baked "pupcakes" as Malcolm calls cupcakes for the picnic in the afternoon. I am not sure what else we did, but Thomas cleaned the bathrooms (wonderful man that he is), we ate lunch late, and the boys were so excited they didn't want to go down for naps. However, during naps, Thomas read to me while I washed dishes. When the boys woke up, I looked at the clock and realized I had a ton of things to do before we could leave for my parents. So the boys helped pack bags while iced the cupcakes and Thomas shut all the storm windows.

We finally got out the door, forgetting the hamburger buns! During the picnic on my parents porch, it began to rain. The kids ate, then began to play in the rain, the little boys chasing the big boys all around the yard. It was fun to watch while the parents chatted of this and that on the porch. Then all of a sudden, we looked at the clock again and realized it was time to go to see the fireworks. We dried off boys, packed up our things, consoled a sobbing child having to leave his cousins, and got in the car.

The boys talked all the way to the fireworks. They talked about fireflies (fire bugs, flier bugs in their language), about fire works, about grandpa and grandma's house, about superheroes. We parked about three blocks away from the park where the fireworks are set off where it would be easy to get out if the boys didn't like the noise. We also had ear protection. I could see it going either way, boys loving it, or boys crying. Neither really happened, it was fun, but I don't think I would say they loved it. Malcolm wore the headphones and sat on his daddy's lap but Eamon didn't want any ear protection, saying he liked loud sounds now. Then he began asking if it was going to be over after the first 15 minutes. So we started naming the colors and that held his attention until the grand finale which was a little loud, even for him.

They fell asleep on the way home, but when we got home, Eamon woke up a little and wanted to change into his PJ's and brush his teeth, "I'm a little awake and a little asleep now." He took a while falling all the way back to sleep because he was scared, but once he was, he basically slept the night through.

I, on the other hand, didn't. I was so tired, so I went to bed shortly after Eamon, but I couldn't fall asleep. My stomach was tight and everything was bothering me - even the sound of the fan and its breeze. Around midnight I went downstairs so my tossing wouldn't keep Thomas awake, but I still couldn't sleep. I would almost fall asleep, then jerk awake like I was falling. Finally sometime after 2:30, I feel asleep. Malcolm woke up crying and crying sometime around 4:30 and once he calmed I went back to my own bed.

Thomas woke up for work at the normal time, but I woke up late. The boys woke up later. It was a grumpy day. I felt exhausted and yucky from sleeping so little. The boys took advantage of it. I let them watch a lot of TV so I could get some computer work done and they couldn't take naps. I desperately needed a nap, so they watched more TV. That made them even crazier, but at least I was feeling a bit better. It was hot and humid, so we had tomato sandwiches for supper. Then we picked up all the toys, took baths and put the boys to bed. Now Thomas is putting in the air conditioners because it is supposed to be a week of hot, humid weather.

Moral of the tale: Thomas is an amazing man.

Rain at my parents

Who knew there were so many shades of green?

The fresh green sprouts

The deep green shadows

The blue green spruce

The green green boughs

Who knows the joy of a summer rainstorm?

The green knows its growth

The birds look for their nests

The boys find the mud

Their parents feel peaceful rest

Last Year and Sewing

Do you know what I was doing last 4th of July Weekend? I was sewing a dress like crazy. My sisters wedding was less than month away and my personal goal was to have it done two weeks before the wedding, so I could focus on the veil and my dress the last two weeks. I took a break to go to a picnic, but came back and sewed some more.

And what a beautiful dress it was. It was full and flowy. It was silky, yet sturdy. It was beautiful, yet even slightly practical. And she was a beautiful bride.

This fourth of July weekend has been slightly different. I stained some wood. I made some freezer pops. I'll be making a cake or cupcakes tomorrow morning. I shot some guns. And I haven't sewn a thing!

I'm actually a little sad about it because I have several projects that I want to work on, including another tiered skirt for me, some superhero masks/helmets, a teepee and a birthday present for my nephew! But I must finish this pantry project because I can't seem to find my sewing desk under everything I have piled on top.

Oh, the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus

The ocean is very deep. I like watching nautiluslive.org and marveling at the animals and geological features. It has provided new analogies to understand life. 

The ROV (remotely operated vehicle) was exploring the seafloor. There was no light from the surface, but I don't remember its depth. I am also not really good at remembering and translating meters to feet. They encountered a seamount. The scientists were guessing it was about 50 meters high off the seafloor. But when the ROV got to the top, it wasn't any brighter. The water wasn't clearer. It was closer to the boat, but that really didn't matter because there was so much more distance to go.

This is a picture of our spiritual growth. As we grow, sure we may be closer to God, but that doesn't mean that our way will be brighter or our path clearer. We might not understand our trials any better and we may still struggle with the same sin. This realization is not to discredit our growth, but to put it into the proper context. There is always so much further to go. We may be standing on the shoulders of giants, but in comparison with how much more there is to know, I am standing on the same level as the person who began to love Jesus yesterday without any theological background.

But, really, it isn't as if God is the distant boat connected to us only by a thin cable. It is more like God is the ocean: vast, unmeasured, boundless, free. We are surrounded by His love. We grow in His love. We can really get any closer to him because He is always with us. The ROV can't get any closer to the water even as it explores the ocean's mysteries. We can just become more aware of His presence.

So rather than comparing where I stand with how far I've come, or to others in my life, or even how much farther I have to go, I can face each day with a fresh start. "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner." "Christ be with me, Christ within me, Christ behind me, Christ before me..."

Friday Review

Thomas used to do stuff of the week. I don't usually have stuff that stands out as particularly special, but I thought Friday's might be a good time to think back over the week.

Question of the Week: Eamon: "Can I have phone games?" (Kid's games on my phone. His current favorite is a Lego race car game.)

Answer of the Week: Mommy: "No, we are taking a break from playing phone games."

Statement of the Week: Malcolm: "I am Catboy. Do you know who I am? I am Catboy. Catboy loves pinecones." (He calls ice cream cones, pinecones.) "I love pinecones. I am Catboy."

Goal of the week that didn't get done: Scrubbing the kitchen floor.

Goal of the week that did get done: 1. Wood for wardrobe bought. Wardrobe shelving stained. Shelf hangers bought. I just have to put a protective coating on the shelves and they will be ready!

General review of the week: Ever since I started this reorganizing project, my house has been in upheaval. Nothing is ever where it belongs. It seems like nothing ever gets done and I haven't known what the next step needs to be. This week, with the wardrobe project getting underway, I feel I am finally making progress. It is going to be a little bit crazy for a little bit longer, but I have a plan and action steps so it doesn't seem quite so overwhelming. Once my office stuff is out of the kitchen, I can have my kitchen counter back and I can have more room on the floor and maybe the boys will see that the house isn't in total disarray so they will understand what I mean when I say, "pick up your toys."

Grand Plans

I always have grand plans... but just like Henry's Mother in Henry and Mudge and the Long Weekend, I am much better of thinking up plans than finishing them. This weekend I thought up a grand plan.

My wonderful older brother gave me a wardrobe that his work was getting rid of. It is approximately three feet wide and two feet deep. One side has a pole for coat hangers; the other side has a single shelf. It is heavy and awkward and I haven't been able to figure out what I should do with it, but I really like it.

So I was looking at my kitchen and looking at this wardrobe and I thought, wouldn't that make a great pantry. It is deep and the doors close (my current pantry cupboard's doors don't stay shut) and I could put lots of stuff in it that is currently laying around, and I bet I could even clear out the cupboard next to the sink where we could put in a dishwasher!

I don't know if the entire plan will work, especially the dishwasher part, but today I bought 5 shelves to put in the wardrobe to turn it into a pantry. I have to sand and stain them, but I have them. Step one of the project is complete. I was slightly amused by how fast my mind went from pantry to dishwasher. Maybe it is because dishes are my housework nemesis. 

In other grand plans... I am considering July being a 100 Words Month again. That means starting on Friday, I plan to write at least 100 words or a poem every day until the end of the month. I've already been taking notes of things to write.

Organization

Almost every Monday, I try to get myself organized. I sit down and think about what I need to get done in the week and what I need to get done in the day. It is my scheduled "office" time. Every other day, I just wing it from what I worked out on Monday. It isn't an efficient way of doing things, but it gets all the important stuff done.

First I take notes for the house - big projects that I want to complete get broken into little projects that I need to get done. Household tasks get prioritized, and my calendar gets updated.

Then I work on ICS stuff. Phone calls, letters, emails, Board Notes, etc. (which reminds me, I need to work on those notes...let me write that down...)

Then I work on Sunday School Stuff. Right now it is mostly figuring out what I have to do. But I do need to go through all my lessons from this year and put the crafts with the lessons, clean out my Sunday School Box and get ready to receive Superintendent stuff.

Today because it is the first day of summer, I am also working on Summer Goals. Goals for the house, creative goals, and goals for each of my volunteering "jobs". A little later, I will work on some goals with the boys - talk about things they want to do regularly, on special days, and jobs they can help with.

The biggest problem with getting organized is that I rarely go back and look at it, so then things get all unorganized again. But at least for a few hours on Monday morning, I feel like my brain is somewhat in order.

Song for My Sister

I was thinking about my sister, and this song happened to come to my head... I haven't recorded it yet, but here are the lyrics.

My Sister

If you were a door away
I'd bring you a bouquet
Of flowers
Or call you just to see
If you'd come for a cup of tea
And scones
And chocolate

Chorus
I'd call you my sister
Even if you weren't
Because that's what I want you to be

No matter how far away
We'll talk almost every day
For hours
And when we can't do that
'Cuz our schedules just don't match
I'll pray
For you every day

Chorus

Some day we'll sit
On a porch and knit
Or crochet
No matter what I forget
I'm sure I'll never let
You go
'Cuz you're my sister
My baby sister

Dancing in the sun light

Invocation

I wrote this invocation for the ICS Graduation. I thought I'd share it here too.

Dear Immanuel, The God who is with us, In our school’s name we recognize that you hear our call and have come to us. You show yourself to us through the Beauty of the Earth, through the love of our family and friends, and through your Word: both the Scriptures we study and the incarnation of Christ.

Creator, As these students have studied this year, You made us to delight in you and to find in you our greatest fulfillment. And that this relationship, the connection between God and man, provides meaning and perspective for all our daily tasks. The accomplishment of these students is a testimony to your faithfulness and their listening to your call. For that, we thank you and praise your Name.

Alpha and Omega, Tonight we look forward the beginning of a new chapter in these students’ lives, as well as celebrate the ending of a job well done. May they start each day with this same freshness, seeing each moment as a possibility, and giving thanks for accomplishments. May each of us do this too, celebrating the work you are doing in us and through us, and looking forward to knowing you ourselves, and showing you to others. Be for us the Beginning and End in each moment.

Lord Jesus Christ, We stand with these graduates facing tomorrow as the first day of the rest of our lives. Each day we want to live out Love for Christ, Service before Self, and in all things Honor. May the worlds of St Patrick be true for them:

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in all the hearts that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

We bind unto ourselves today
The strong name of the Trinity
By invocation of the same
The Three in One and One in Three.
Of whom all nature has creation,
Eternal Father, Spirit, Word,
Praise to the Lord of my Salvation,
Salvation is of Christ the Lord.

Amen

Stories from this week.

The Grill

A few weeks ago, when we were at Aldi, Eamon saw a toy grill. He wanted it badly, but it cost more than I wanted to pay, and he didn't complain, though I could tell he was very sad about it. The toy grill has been at the store, every week getting lower in price. This week Eamon was at a friends house while I went shopping. There was the grill, in a damaged box, for a really low price. I got it.

When he came home from his friends house and saw it, the joy on his face was so fun to watch. He was so happy. He helped me put it together and it has been a staple in much of their play since. They have cooked food for me and Thomas, cooked for each other, started a restaurant, caught it on fire, put the fire out, and rolled the grill all over the house.

So, I have made a few more pretend foods. I sewed four hot dogs, three hamburgers, and two chicken legs. I am working on some rolls for the hot dogs and hamburgers, but they are much more tedious, so I am taking my time. I also finished Eamon's apron, though Malcolm's still needs some work.

Dragon

I occasionally tell stories about the boys going to a pretend land where the animals can talk and there are all sorts of quests that Mrs. Groundhog gives them. This week I told a story about a dragon that had kidnaped Princess Poppy and Prince Arugula (daughter and son of King Rabbit and Queen Bunny). I did not mean to make it too suspenseful, but when Eamon realized that all the dragon wanted was Princess Poppy's and Prince Arugula's cookies and was not a bad dragon that was going to hurt Princess Poppy and Prince Arugula, he started to cry with relief. He was so worried about the little bunnies. Malcolm on the other hand was disappointed because he wanted to fight the dragon.

Meal Time

I was very excited about a dinner. It was the first rhubarb of the season, beef stroganoff, and broccoli, all things I love, and I thought that the boys should like it too. Well, I was wrong. They loved the broccoli, but they didn't really like the meat sauce and they (especially Malcolm) gagged on the noodles and they wouldn't touch the rhubarb. After a meal of whining and crying and misery (which followed a long day), I was quite discouraged. Eamon asked me, "Why are you sad, Mommy?" I replied, "Because I made good food for you and you won't eat it." He said, "It's ok, Mommy, maybe you'll do better next time."

Moving into my own house again

I am in the process of reorganizing/spring cleaning my house. It is rewarding and exhausting... and disconcerting to Eamon. When he came into the rearranged living room after his quiet time, he started to cry, "I don't like it! When will you change it to the way it was before!" Now he is ok with it, but it reminded me that someone doesn't like change.

I am very happy with the new living room set-up, but some of the other changes I haven't been quite so thrilled with. For example, I wanted to move the towels and such to the bathroom, but in the current arrangement, it is too crowded (we have no bathroom closet space). We also wonder about the humidity issues... will it cause the towels to become too damp and get smelly, etc.

Then there is my office space. I currently have none, so I have spread out my office stuff all over the house. This is not good! It is very frustrating and I have no ideas how to remedy this problem. One solution is to stop doing everything so I don't have so much office stuff to organize. Another solution is to create an office space for myself somewhere...like in the kitchen or my bedroom... maybe the bathroom would be a good idea. It has a door and is quiet in there...

Of course there is my age old problem of needing to throw stuff away but being haunted by the possibilities of this cardboard box or that random piece of fabric or those pages of little boy pictures or that hand painted pasta bowl.

And there is the many things sitting around because they need to be completed. Little boy aprons, Ragman props, photos and letters to be sent to family. Such complications of an overly creative brain - there is room in my brain for lots of ideas, but not room in my house! I have a dresser of art project stuff for the boys as well as two boxes of my art stuff in the attic! Then there are the 6 boxes and 4 bins of material. And how many boxes of books?

Someday I will get everything just where I want it... and then we will have to move.

Quick post

I have more thoughts than I have time to write. Yesterday was mother's day and I have three posts thought out for that. I also have been working on one in my head about the difference between respect and tolerance. There is also the children's message from yesterday that I could share.

However, I don't have time to write and rewrite them. I have less than one hour before the boys wake up and we are going to plant some seeds and maybe go to the park, and I have laundry to hang out, dishes to put away, dishes to wash, a box springs to vacuum, a kitchen to clean and ground beef to either cook or figure out what to do with...

So maybe I will have time to write later, but right now, I'm off. On days like today, I wouldn't mind just a bit of the Flash's speed.

Bed time

"Go on upstairs to bed, little boy."

He slowly climbed the steps. Each step is almost up to his knees, so it makes sense that he is slow. One step at a time, holding onto the wall with one hand, Blanky trailing behind him from the other.

I follow him slowly and try to hold up Blanky so it doesn't drag, but he pulls it away and lets it drag again. He must like the tug on his hand as he methodically takes each step. He babbles behind his Nuk, and grins up at me with sweet, sleepy eyes.

At the top of the stairs, his brother leans against the wall, waiting for the light of my phone to reach him. Then he races into his room and leaps onto his bed. The nightlight guiding his way once he has crossed the dark hallway. He is full of questions tonight, but I am out of answers. 

I sing a song, but they want to talk, so I kiss their heads, tell them I love them, and leave. Their Daddy can remind them to be still, stop talking, put away toys, and all the other things they think of to put off sleep.

I will kiss them again before I head off to bed.

Three Twitter Poems

I got on Twitter. I have given myself a challenge to write a Twitter Poem every week. Supposedly it is supposed to be 140 characters or less, though I have already made exceptions. It has been a fun creative outlet. Here they are.

April 22

Every dandelion is a gift for Mommy 

Every tear is needs a kiss 

Superheroes, Legos, friends, 

This is my four year old boy.

April 13 (two tweets)
Notice the little things Mama 

He won't be two forever 

He's ready to run 

And ready to climb 

And go on the next adventure
But his bumps need your kisses 

He looks in your eyes 

And he needs his morning cuddles 

So be thankful for little things 

He won't be 2 forever

April 6: Morning Haiku
Sleepy eyes 

Stumbling down the stairs 

Great big hug and potty time 

Little boy wakes up 

Good Morning

Non Nobis, Domine

Non nobis, Domine, non nobis
sed nomini tuo da gloriam.

As Christians, we acknowledge that God uses us to bless and encourage others. Sometimes we don't know that we are doing it. Sometimes we try really hard and it seems that we aren't really doing anything. But there are times when we get to see that God is working through us. Our touring drama production was one such time.

Sure, I came up with idea. I wrote script. I worked hard to bring poems, songs, and readings together with the story of Ragman. But when I was done, I asked God to bless it and make it beautiful.

The first change was the music. I have a few girls who play the violin, so I went with music that they new and could play. I changed one to be a piano solo. But I planned on finding an accompanist.

The next change happened when I realized that it wasn't long enough. I had been telling churches it was 45 minutes long, but in reality it was 25-30 minutes. So I prayed and went back to the drawing board, and added Scripture readings, some from the gospels, some from Isaiah 53.

Then I forgot to follow up with accompanists. I had a piano solo for the accompanist at a very crucial spot in the program. One day before practice, one of my students was playing the piano. It was beautiful. I asked him if he had prepared any pieces for church. He said there was just one, "The Old Rugged Cross." He played it for me and it was the perfect fit.

The Script was complete and so much better than the original.

Because we didn't have set performance dates right from the beginning, I knew some students wouldn't be able to make all the performances. Each performance has been with different students and different challenges. But I have been able to see little bits of God working at each of them.

Our first performance was the first time we cut the lights and used (electric) candles. When the lights came back on, and the Ragman rose from the dead, a little girl near where I stood breathed, "Wow!" The second performance was the first time we had performed it with a complete cast, straight through - not even in practice had we done that. Afterward, someone told me that they were almost in tears during the piano piece and the complete a cappella vocal piece was fitting in its simplicity and sincerity.

We were warned that the third performance might have a rowdy audience. It was an evangelistic youth program and most of the kids don't sit and listen to anything. While we were waiting for our turn, I became aware that there was a spiritual battle going on in the room. I began praying that our voices would be able to be heard and that God would show his power and love to everyone present. When we began, it was quiet. The audience was listening. As it continued, we heard comments that showed they were following the story. When the Ragman died, there were cries of confusion and concern. In the darkness that followed, there was silence. At the end, the pastor was thrilled; he had never seen this group pay such good attention in the two months they have been working with them. Several of my actors also said they felt it was one of their best performances.

So good for us? Everyone involved did work hard and gave up a lot of time and energy. The parents of my cast were amazing in their willingness to make time for rehearsals and in their flexibility with crazy performance times. My family and friends gave up their time watching the boys. We pulled together and made something beautiful. But again and again the best things were things we can't take credit for. It was God working through us.

Not to us, Lord, not to us
But to your name, give glory.

What's up with the boys?

Last week Malcolm finally had his 2 and half year appointment and we "celebrated" Eamon's 4 and a half year birthday.

Both boys are into superheroes right now. Batman, Superman, Captain America, and Hawkeye are the most common choices. Malcolm especially loves the bow and arrow heroes and Eamon tends to stick to the punching heroes. They have costumes and weapons and action figures so the superhero play morphs from one set of toys to the other. They also love to play with their Duplo Legos and build all kinds of things, from rockets to dinosaurs to robots. Of course books are a favorite activity, and sticker books are a fun "project" with Mom. They also both love to draw and it is fun to watch entire stories take place on one page. Octonauts and dinosaurs also are common themes of play time.

Malcolm is growing so fast. He still wears 2T, but I have moved him up to 3T and he seems to find them more comfortable, even if the pant legs are still a little long. We got new shoes and I have been squeezing his feet into size 6 shoes, so we moved him up to size 8, though they are a little big. He talks all the time now, especially when he is supposed to be doing something else, like eating. He tells great stories and is intelligible most of the time.

He is allowed to have his Nuk during the night, but no more day-Nuk. This change still brings much woe and strife when he is tired, but we have also learned that he is very sensitive to getting enough food and drink. Often he is grumpiest right before meal times, but as soon as he gets some food in his belly, he is fine again. If he cries and asks for Nuk during the day, some almond milk or water often helps him get over the mopey-ness.

Malcolm is still sensitive to dairy products too. He can have yogurt on occasion, ice-cream every now and again, and ranch dressing with certain meals without staying up all night. However, too much or too often gives him a belly ache, gas, and general discomfort. Fortunately, American cheese is the only type of cheese he likes right now, and that doesn't seem to bother him.

Eamon is also growing too, even though he is still in 4T clothes. If he grows any more, his pants will be too short, though I am hoping we can stay in 4T pants until shorts weather and just move up to 5T in the fall. He is getting much more coordinated: running better, climbing better, pedaling better, and he is enjoying his abilities. He loves to play outside, except when it is cold. His fine motor skills are getting better too. He can use his spoon, though he doesn't like to. He loves to write and draw, though his perfectionist tendencies sometimes frustrate him. Puzzles are fascinating to him and if he can dance around while putting them together, he can focus on them for long periods of time, though he likes it best when I help him.

On his half-birthday, we cut the Nuk, and gave him a "nerf" rifle as the promised reward for giving Nuk up. Unfortunately, the giving up of Nuk also triggered the giving up of naps. He is surviving the Nuk transfer better than I am surviving the naps transfer, though it has been a bit crazy with extra-home work that I am trying to get done during nap time.

He seems to take after his father with his verbal skills and enjoyment. He loves poetry and rhymes and will ask me to repeat them again and again until he can say them. He loves stories and is beginning to make up his own. And he comes up with amazing phrases that he uses in his games. The other day when he was being Batman, he wanted me to say, "What is that piece of night?" whenever he ran into the room.

He loves to learn new things and tell them to others. He makes connections between sounds and letters, though I haven't started to teach him to read yet. He is fascinated by plants and animals and their classifications. And he makes funny connections about such things. The other day, he drew me a monster and said there was only one of these monsters. And it was a daddy so there would be no more baby monsters and when it died, it would be extinct like the dinosaurs.

In other news, we finally got a family photo!

SuperMom

It started as an idea for a nursing shawl/superhero cape. It grew to be a series of interviews of various moms on how they are supermoms simply for loving their kids. But then we got a comic book in our Honey-Nut Cheerios box. That gave me an idea for a story/comic/series about SuperMom.

Here are some snippets of ideas.

"To the public, Rosalind Jordan is just another mom of toddlers. She wipes snotty noses, changes diapers, and tries to loose baby weight, but her children know her as SuperMom. A kiss from SuperMom heals all injuries. Her hugs sooth all woes. She fights the fiercest enemies that hide in dark bedrooms and closets. She flies down the sliding board when they go to the park, and her smiles bring joy and laughter to all that might become her children. She is SuperMom."

"Rosalind pulled out the ultrasound image, all that was left of the baby besides the memories. She held it to the light, and the light shining through the image filled her empty heart. In the hours, days, weeks, and months of waiting in the darkness that followed, SuperMom was born."

"She looked at her car full of teenagers. They were full of the excitement and energy that comes after a good performance. She listened to their retelling the story of their performance from each perspective. Rosalind Jordan put on her sunglasses and started the car, but SuperMom beamed."

"Do you see that crazy woman? She is going down the kid's slide... on her stomach!" "Who does she think she is? Supergirl or something?" "Why it is amazing that her hips even fit on the slide." "Maybe that's why she's going down on her stomach." And the other Mom's laughed. It was answered by laughter of children watching a grown woman squeal while going down the slide. The woman and the children ended in a heap at the bottom, but all were laughing. There were no bumped heads or fears of the height of the slide. Then one of the little girls came running back to her mother sitting on the bench, "Mommy, will you push me on the swing?" With the laughter of "That Crazy Woman" echoing in her ears, she immediately got up, grinned and running toward the swings, said to her daughter, "I'll race you there!"

Even though I think every mom should be encouraged to embrace themselves as a super mom, the SuperMom in the story would actually have super powers. She would be able to heal physical injuries, and sooth emotional distress (the feel-good hormone, if it needed a "scientific"name). She would fight bad guys by reminding them they are loved and helping them not want to do bad things. Like I'm picturing SuperMom confronting a young man holding up a cash register. She puts her hand on his arm and says something like, "If you need help, just ask for it; you don't have to take anything." And the guy puts down his gun and takes off his mask and gives her a great big hug and says something cheesy like, "Thanks SuperMom. I'll go on the right path now." 

It would be funny, cheesy, not too serious, but also having moments of touching sweetness, that makes Moms everywhere go, "Aww!"

What do you think?

Lenten Caterpillar; Easter Butterfly

These are my brief notes describing the Caterpillar/Butterfly. Each of the first 5 weeks, we wrote something on a dot of the same color as the leg. Then on Easter, all those dots went on the Butterfly's wings creating it's pattern, picturing how when we give our live to God, he makes something beautiful.

This year's Sunday School Theme is "New Life in Christ." During Lent we made a caterpillar to explain what that means.

Week 1: God is Love; I love:
1 John 4:7-12
God loves us! He shows us his love by putting people in our lives - people who love us. And we can show others that God loves them by loving them, like God loves us.
Pink Leg

Week 2: Thank you, God, for:
James 1:17
Another way God shows he loves us is through this beautiful world. We give thanks to him to show our love for him.
Purple Leg

Week 3: Lord, have mercy:
1 John 1:9
We have established that God loves us, no matter what. But we don't love and aren't thankful. We are nasty and selfish. That breaks our relationship with God. He says he will forgive and cleanse us, if we confess our sins.
Red Leg

Week 4: Make me more like Jesus:
Ephesians 5:1-2
God gave us a good example of what Love looks like: Jesus! We can think about how Jesus loved people and ask the Holy Spirit to helps us follow his example.
Orange Leg

Week 5: Faith without works is dead:
James 2:18, 26
When we act out of love, we are showing everyone that we follow Jesus. We want the people around us to see Jesus' love in the way we treat them.
Yellow Leg

Week 6: We wait in hope for the Lord (Palm Sunday)
Psalm 33:20-22
Sometimes we don't understand what is going on around us. Sometimes we don't see God at work. Sometimes we feel alone. Inside a cocoon something is happening, even though we can see it. So we wait in hope.
Cocoon

Week 7: He is Risen (Easter)
2 Corinthians 1:17
The Bible says that if we are in a relationship with Christ, we are a new creation. We have new life and are being made more like Jesus every day.

Gardening by Theology

These were just some thoughts that I had while cleaning up our yard.

In the spring, I am a Hyper-Calvinist Gardener. Any plant I have not chosen I will pull up and throw in to the fire to burn... actually throw into a black garbage bag, since we can burn in town.

But by late spring, I am more Arminian with my plants and I will let any plant grow that is beautiful and grows they way it should.

By the end of summer, I am full Deist. I have set everything in place and let the plants take care of themselves. 

In the fall, I tend toward a Wrathful Deity and ready to pull up everything and burn it before the winter sets in.

And during the winter, I deny there is a garden and go full Atheist. 

So it has been a bit difficult recently

I am not sure I am actually ready to talk or write about this, but the past several months have been really difficult. It started with one of my 4 year old Sunday School girls dying suddenly. Since then, two ladies in our church died of strokes. Two fathers of friends died. Other acquaintances... Dave Swift... And now there are two more expected deaths. So much death and dying and suffering and grieving.

Some days have been really hard. I have wanted to escape into my story land and not deal with life. I have wanted to avoid human interactions because they only reminded me of the ones I will never have. Grief has been expressed in cynicism and accusations. Although only a few of those who died were close to me, the cumulative effect has been overwhelming at times.

But God is with us even in the darkest times. He shows us little things to remind us that he is there... maybe a hug, maybe the sun shining in windows, maybe a smile, maybe an hour or two off, maybe a poem...

One of the poems in my touring program is by John Donne.

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee

Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;

For those whom thou thinkst thou dost overthrow

Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.

From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,

Much pleasure—then, from thee much more must flow;

And soonest our best men with thee do go,

Rest of their bones and soul’s delivery.

Thou’rt slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,

And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell;

And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well,

And better than thy stroke. Why swellest thou then?

One short sleep past, we wake eternally,

And death shall be no more. Death, thou shalt die.

Last Thursday, I worked with the young man who is going to be saying it. The first time he read it, I felt he got it. We talked through it and worked on the delivery. When he left, my heart was singing. Part of it was because he did a great job. Part of it was that I got it too. My heart woke up from its darkness, and defied death. Although I have felt surrounded by brokenness, death shall die, and all the deformities that it leaves behind shall be restored. 

We wait in hope.

Writing

I haven't written much on my blog this month, but that doesn't mean I haven't been writing. This month I have been working really hard on my touring production. This has meant compiling poems, reading, and songs to tell as story as well as present a message. Then I have had lots of e-mails to write. Setting up auditions, getting schedules, communicating with parents and so on has taken a lot of time. Now I am almost to the point of starting rehearsals.

I also have been working on writing about the directing at ICS process - explaining what I do, so that when I ask someone else to direct, they know what they are taking on, as well as explaining what I would like to have other people do so I don't feel like I am doing everything.

I have also prepared Sunday Schools Lessons and Lenten Lessons for every Sunday. And have begun thinking and writing more seriously about about being Sunday School Superintendent next year.

Then finally, I have been doing a lot of thinking and writing for and about the ICS Board.

In my head I have been telling a new story too. I doubt it will ever make it to paper. I don't like it that much, but it has been going through my head.

So alas, poor blog, I have neglected you this month too. Maybe my next post will be about what is going on in our lives. Maybe not...

Loss (poem/song in progress)

Hold your babies just a little closer tonight.
Don't forget to tell someone just how much you care.
You never know what the day might bring
So use the time you have;
You never know what night may take away.

Romeo and Juliet - Performed by BTE

For the past several years Bloomsburg Theater Ensemble has performed a Shakespeare play. I have been able to attend as a chaperone and drama director for ICS. This year's play is Romeo and Juliet.

Romeo and Juliet has never been one of my favorite Shakespeare plays. I don't particularly like Romeo... or Mecrutio... or Tybalt... or lots of other characters, so it is hard to get emotionally invested in their story. The theme of loving your enemies is overshadowed by that love leading to death - and not loving, sacrificial death. The politics of rival families is often lost when moved to a different era.

When I heard that BTE was performing it in a "Occupy" setting, I was intrigued by the political focus, and interested to see how they did it. I was not disappointed. From the moment we entered the theater, we were immersed in the setting. Tents, handouts, placards, sticky notes... the walls of the auditorium were covered with slogans and cardboard placards. The stage was cluttered and brilliant with Christmas lights and audience members. There were spotlights and mini-stages among the audience. They used the catwalk and ladders as acting space, as well as having any actor who was not involved in the scene come out and watch. It was a feast for the eyes. It was also a feast for the ears. There was live music, captivating songs, chants, and rhythms. And although the script was shortened, it also created beautiful juxtapositions by combining several scenes.

However, there were a few things that because of the setting, I felt became weaknesses. The Capulets, the rich, were strictly the bad-guys; and the Montagues, the disenfranchised, where the good guys. This allowed for censuring the rich and understanding Juliet's feeling of helplessness, but it also made Romeo's demise the fault of the rich, not the outcome of choices his family made. To me, it seemed they were victims of the rich, not victims of both sides refusing to listen to each other. Also because of the modern setting, murder and self-defense are understandable, but the jump to suicide was less so. I could not suspend my disbelief enough to accept it as a "solution" for Romeo and Juliet. In other words, it had to happen because it was Shakespeare, but in our current time, was there really no other option?

The final weakness of the production was also something I appreciated: they had high school student actors. I love high school actors. There is so much potential and energy and so many layers when they act. And it wasn't the high school actors acting skills that was the weakness. Because they were obviously high schoolers, they made the age gap between them and Romeo and Juliet just as obvious. I could not believe Romeo and Juliet were high school age. I didn't believe their young love with all its blindness and irrationality, simply because they were too old. And it was having high school actors that demonstrated the age difference.

I feel harsh in pointing out the weaknesses because I really enjoyed it. I also feel uncharitable in pointing out these things because I know that they threw everything into this play, as they do every play I have seen. These critiques are merely artistic differences, which in no way devalue the play or their performances. This production dulled the dislike for the play and actually made me want to read it again. I laughed. I almost cried. And I cannot emphasize enough how much I loved watching the other actors come on stage and watch the play. The enjoyment and pride on their faces was delightful to watch. I loved being immersed in the setting and hearing the humanity in the face of differing opinions. I was energized by the creativity. It pointed out to me the weakness of directing alone and made me long for a team to build such a rich creative place.

Well, its a new year...

I didn't mean to take an over a month long hiatus from writing on this blog. It has been a little crazy with all the holiday stuff with family and friends and church. I have thought from time to time about blog posts, but I have thought about them at all the wrong times, and haven't even written down the ideas so I could write about it later.

When the new year rolled around, and people started talking about resolutions and goals, I began to get a little overwhelmed. Sure I have goals and things I want to happen, but the first step toward them seems very daunting. For example, I have a touring production I am supposed to be working on. I have gathered resources and started working, but it is incredibly daunting to sit down and work, knowing that I will be interrupted 5 million times, unless I do it during naps, which is my only time that I am free to do chores without boys (and one of the boys is beginning to boycott naps).

There are also goals that are dependent on other things. For example, I would like to start getting up earlier, showering before Thomas, and being ready for the day by the time the boys wake up. Unfortunately, they wake up if they think someone else is awake. Or one is randomly awake (and cuddly) from 4-7 and the other one wakes up just as the first is drifting off to sleep. And since I am not getting things done during the day, bedtimes get pushed back later... Well, you get the idea.

Then there are the life goals that are so vague it often feels like no progress is being made, like being more kind and loving, being a better mom or wife.

So when it comes to goals and resolutions, I am thankful that I get a fresh start every day. All I can do is "put one foot in front of the other," take each moment as it comes, give up control, and love whoever there is to love.