The End of the School Year

Friday was the last day of school. We had a Willy Wonka party. Eamon was in NYC. Our car was in the garage...again. Saturday we got ready for a pizza party on Sunday. Sunday was the pizza party. Monday was inservice. So today is the first official day of summer vacation.

It has been a difficult few days. As soon as I left school the regrets of things I wanted to do and didn't, or shouldn't have said but did, or dreams left unfinished began crowding into my mind. As I dealt with each one, a new one started. We were supposed to celebrate how far we came this past year at inservice, but it felt like celebrating someone's life at a funeral. We talked a lot about where we were last year, and where we are now, and we praised God for his provision along the way.

 I've tried to remember the good: I taught every student in the school, except for one who came late. I loved them all. I enjoyed each one of them. I rewrote and directed another play. Kids who didn't think they could act learned that they could. Kids who can act got to experience a different sort of play than we have done for a while. I worked with amazing teachers. They said I helped them, but I learned so much from them, that I'm not sure what I'm good at anymore.

Every good moment had a flipside. Each teacher was overworked. Because of that, we did the bare minimum. That leaves a really bad taste in my mouth because, I don't like just slipping by. I want to do things well; and there wasn't enough time and capacity to do it well. I did my best in the moment, but it wasn't great, and I could have done better. I think that is what is eating me up. I know how to teach, but the way I taught wasn't reflective of what I know. I know it was okay. I know the students knew I loved them and I wanted the best for them, but did I do all I could have done? Did I do enough?

And how do I look and work toward next year so I don't fall into the same mundane, same struggles, same routines? How do I hold kids accountable to do their very best? What consequences can I institute that will help students self-assess and mend their ways? How can I help them be better?

I guess this is the struggle of following Jesus. It is a constant pressing on for the joy set before us, a constant dying to self, a constant submitting my plans to his kind and loving will. Not that I have obtained this, but I press on to take of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.

The Whirlwind Hasn't Stopped

I feel that I should somehow record the stress and exhaustion that life has been, but I don't know how to do that while also adding the joy and richness of living.

Every time a child learns to read - when they understand that the squiggles on the page mean something and they can figure it out - every time I see it happen, I want to sing and dance.

When my students try to outwit me or have a snappy comeback, but I have an answer ready because this isn't my first group of sassy students, but they look shocked and surprised that I have a ready wit, I want to laugh.

There are times when a student finally turns in an overdue assignment that they have been telling me is too hard, then says, "That was actually easy." And I smile and want to say, "I know," but instead I say, "Thank you. I'm really proud of you for pushing through this assignment."

Grading anything both delights and discourages me. There are student who turn in great work - sometimes because the subject comes naturally to them, sometimes because they worked hard. And there are students who are so smart, but won't let it show on the test and do as little work as possible, so they are failing and feel dumb. And I give them more and more opportunities to show me that they know what they say they know, but they won't take them.

Thinking and Writing

I had a chance to think this week.

The boys were at basketball, so I had fifteen minutes in the car on my way to pick them up, to think without interruption. I had already graded papers and worked on lesson plans, finishing a good amount of necessary thinking, and allowed myself time to think creatively. I found myself mulling over a story that I have put on a back burner for years. I enjoy the characters, I know the greater story arch, but I haven't been able to figure out how to tell the story. That night, I re-read all the drafts of the story.

I love my job. 

I love working with the kids, usually. Although this week was tough, there were also beautiful moments of connection and progress. However, because I am always working on school stuff or catching up on house stuff, I have not written anything that I didn't need to write. Thinking about the story reminded me of how much I enjoy finding words and getting the right words written down.

Then today I went shopping by myself: another chunk of time in the car without interruption, another chance to think. I realized how much I missed the work of writing - typing, deleting, re-typing, reading, deleting, etc. Fortunately, one of the things I needed to do was write, just some emails and a student overview, but it was writing and I poured my writing mind into it.

It felt good.

When I had completed, I sent the emails, submitted the overview, and began the next phase of writing: second guessing everything. Did I say it as clearly as I could have? How can it be misinterpreted? Do I need to add anything, make a phone call, clarify or retract anything? Should I have used different words or phrases?

For me, this is the part that keeps me from sharing anything I write. It can always be better, so how do I know when to stop?

And that was when I thought of my blog. One of the reasons I keep it going is to practice sharing words before they are perfect. I also keep it to record tidbits of life, and the progress of thoughts, and share stories. But it is a blog - not a book. It doesn't have to be perfect or complete or amazing. It is what it is. And that is good enough for now.

So maybe someday I'll share one of my stories, or the other non-story book I have been working on, but for now, the practice of imperfect words are enough to keep me writing.

Directing Lesson

Theater combines many things that I love. Storytelling, costuming, make-believe and imagination, learning and teaching, and making connections with lots of people in many different ways. Even though I have directed in the past, I had to learn and relearn so many things. These are some of the lessons that I have learned.

1. Don't agree to direct until the support team is in place, or at least have an assistant director/volunteer coordinator. This can be one person who can then find volunteers and delegate, or it can be several volunteers who focus on just one part. Either way, those people (or person) should be settled before auditions take place. The areas that I can't direct and coordinate are: rehearsal snacks, rehearsal monitors, rehearsal photos, performance volunteers, posters and playbill design, advertising. A design team would also be great. I know costuming, but I'd love to share that. And I need help making the set and lighting look right. If I wait to see who auditions, then ask those parents, I don't get the time to work with the volunteers to share my vision for the show

2. Find a balance between individualized and mass communication. One of the things I've tried to do with the last three plays is make a personal connection with the parents or guardians of my cast members. This has been really helpful as we get closer to performances or need to make changes to the schedule. It is way more work to make those connections than to send a mass email, but it has been worth it every time. These families are so amazing. There dedication and sacrifice for the play inspires me to do my best. I need to continue figuring out the best way to communicate which information.

3. People love it when you are passionate about something, until it requires them to change. Then they feel like you are judging them. There were people would said, "I love hearing you talk about the play. You are so passionate!" so I thought being passionate was contagious. But my actors didn't care about my passion when they had to get on stage. In fact, my passion was intimidating and they expressed worry about not doing it right. They liked my excitement when I was telling the story, but they didn't like it when I was asking them to do it. I had to replace passion with compassion to make a human connection.

4. So much of directing is creating space to explore and giving choices, not telling actors what to do. This play I focused a lot on acting choices. Kids would ask me "What do you want me to do?" and I tried to ask them, "What seems right for your character?" If they didn't know, I'd show them a few different interpretations, then encourage them to play around and see which one fits the best. Part of that is also encouraging kids not to play stereotypes, but relatable characters. This was a new way of directing for me, and I have to continue working on balancing it with pushing kids to try a different choice. There were times when I thought that a certain action would make the scene more funny, but I didn't always challenge the actor because I wanted to respect their choices. So I don't think I have that balance quite right yet.

 As I told the actors, part of theater is sharing where we are at this point in the process. It isn't about getting the perfect performance, because we can always get better. And part of the joy of the process is being done, evaluating, and preparing for the next one.

Directors Notes for A Midsummer Night's Dream

Last year, after helping Dad (Kelly Knowlden) as he directed Korczak’s Children, I wondered, “What play can we do after that?” Since I couldn’t possibly match it in inspiration, I decided to go to the opposite end of the theatrical spectrum and look for something that would make people laugh.

Although humor can be used to mock others, the truest humor surprises us or points out our own silliness. Slapstick makes us laugh because we all experience it, and are a little embarrassed by it, so we turn that insecurity into a laugh - a nervous response to minor anxiety. Puns are funny because they make surprise connections between two things that aren’t related by topic, but are by vocabulary. The punchline of a good joke is an unexpected turn of events, or makes a connection that we haven’t seen before. But of course, the most important part of comedy is … timing.

A Midsummer Night’s Dream is one of those stories that makes me laugh every time. From the ridiculous plans of Oberon and mistakes of Puck to the hilarious passion of Pyramus and Thisbe, from the lovers’ banter to Lysander waking up and falling in love with the wrong girl, the play provides every sort of humor. But even Puck knows that humor can be offensive, so he asks the audience to laugh, and if you can’t laugh, to wake from the offense as you would from a bad dream.

Humor, in that sense, is related to humility. Both humor and humility keep us from becoming over-important or taking ourselves too seriously. Instead, both humility and humor have the potential to unite us with the rest of humanity, understanding that we all are sometimes petty and often mistaken and broken.

In the middle of this brokenness, God calls to us. In humility, we respond. The more we understand and accept how much God loves us, the more we can laugh with the joy of not having to prove ourselves as something important. Jesus already said we were important enough to die for, but in the greatest turn of events (comedy), he defeated death and rose again. In the humility, provided by His love, we can see humanity’s inconsistencies, pettiness, and failings, but instead of feeling humiliation, we can laugh because we are loved.

Lenten Children's Message

Today’s Gospel Reading is about the Temptation of Christ. Jesus goes into the wilderness for 40 days, eating nothing and being tempted by the devil. In each temptation, he is offered something good, but the way to get it is against God’s rules. So the temptation is “Will Jesus trust God to give Him something good at a later point; or rebel against God to get that ‘good thing’ now?” 

This temptation story should remind us of at least two other temptation stories. The first one is in the garden, where Adam and Eve are offered the knowledge of good and evil through a yummy looking fruit, instead of learning good and evil from God. Knowing good and evil is a good thing, but the way humans are supposed to gain that knowledge is through getting to know God. Adam and Eve chose to get that knowledge on their own. They failed to trust God, so they rebelled, separating themselves from God, the source of good things.

The second temptation story is after the Israelites are rescued from Egypt, they wandered in the desert, not 40 days like Jesus, but 40 years. In the desert, they are promised a land flowing with milk and honey, prosperity, comfort, and being God’s special people. But they want that blessing and prosperity now, so even though God again and again blesses them by giving them manna and meat and water, instead of seeing those things as blessings from God, they complain. They failed to trust God, so they rebelled, separating themselves from God, the source of good things.

In Jesus’s temptation story, He is also offered good things, but they way to get them was wrong. Bread isn’t bad, but breaking his fast to get it, wouldn’t have been right. Jesus was promised authority over all the nations; he knew he would receive this through his death and resurrection. The devil’s temptation was to take the easy way to get the “same result.” Jesus knew that God was with him no matter what, but the devil tempted him to prove it now, instead of trusting God’s timing. Each time, Jesus trusted God, beginning a new story and providing a new way to live in relationship with God, the source of good things.

Just like Adam and Eve, the Israelites, and Jesus, we are tempted to get good things in our own way, instead of trusting God or doing it God’s way. Maybe you’ve heard that God wants you to be happy. Without trusting God, we might do things that make us feel good in the moment, even though we know they are against what God has said is good. The good feeling we had often disappears really fast or the actions have uncomfortable consequences. But if we trust God, and do what we know is right, He does bring us peace and joy.

Many of the things we have given up for Lent are good gifts from God. By giving them up, we aren’t saying that they are bad. Instead we are saying that we will trust God to give us satisfaction instead of that thing we are giving up. And it will be hard and maybe even uncomfortable; that makes sense because we are in the wilderness. But Jesus is also here in the wilderness, and we can meet Him without the distractions of what we’ve given up. Let's pray, trusting God, who is the source of good things.

Dear God, Let each of us see Jesus in a more real way this Lent. Help us to hear and understand how much You loves us. Fill us with the power of your Holy Spirit to resist the temptation to do things on our own in our own time, instead of trusting You. In Jesus’s Name we pray, Amen.

A New Season

 On March 1, Thomas officially became the fill-in pastor for our church. In July, he will receive the appointment for the following year. He will be a bi-vocational pastor, continuing on at his current employment, but adding some duties as a pastor, including preaching, special worship services, on-call needs, and various committees.

On February 27, we had our first all cast rehearsal for A Midsummer Night's Dream with Immanuel Christian School. Performances are May 8th, 9th, and 10th. I am directing. The boys are both acting. Until Easter, we are still in our Winter Term, so the boys regularly have five to six subjects every day, except Wednesday which has Instrument lessons and Science Lab.

Today is the first day of Lent. We have been doing a meat fast during Lent the past few years, but this year, we have decided that the extra planning a meat fast requires would push me over the edge of sanity. So we are fasting from desserts and sleeping in. We are giving up computer games, which hits the boys hardest, but we are planning to have family game nights. 

So we are entering a new season. 

The immediate season, Lent, reminds us of Jesus's forty days in the wilderness, facing temptation, which in turn was a reminder of the forty years, the people of Israel spent in the wilderness. I have been thinking about the amount of time we humans spent waiting. There is a part of me that rebels against waiting; it is so inefficient, such a waste of time. But I am learning that waiting on God is a very deliberate action. It is not trying to fix the problems I see, but rather tell them to God and wait.

The beginning of the play season was a good preparation for waiting of Lent. Several times I couldn't see a way ahead within my limitations. Choosing the play, finding the right cast, and having a venue to perform in, all required me to wait on God and not try to fix things. For example, some of the students who auditioned were not able to perform, so I needed to find some more older students to take those roles. The next day, two home schoolers who had acted with us before, hadn't heard about auditions and contacted me and my dad (who directed last year) to see if we were doing a play. They were the perfect people to play the open roles.

Tonight's Ash Wednesday Service was Thomas's first as pastor. It was a very beautiful and meditative service, focused on bringing our hearts before God. The point of Lent isn't simply self-denial, but drawing close to God. When I went forward to get my ashes, I looked up at Thomas and he smiled. I was filled with thankfulness for him, not only as my husband, but also as my pastor.

Some seasons come and go, marking the passage of time. But perhaps, we are also going through a climate change.

Purpose of Education: Utility and Preference

"Why do I have to learn this?" Whether teaching Sunday School, multiplication, or Algebra, this is the most common question I have encountered as a teacher. I usually ask in response, "Do you want to know the reason, or are you just complaining? If you are complaining, stop procrastinating; you still have to do the assignment. If you want to know, do the assignment first, and then let's talk about it."

But, of course, that means I have to be ready to discuss the question. To do that, we have to take a look at what the question assumes: A subject must either be useful or enjoyable to be worth studying.

Unfortunately when education is left to Utility and Preference, pressure is placed on teachers and administrators that school, classes, and educational activities must be fun; if they aren't fun, they at least must be useful. And finding the Beauty in learning, the Wonder of relearning with depth, and the Discipline to do the mundane is never developed.

Utility Observations 

One of the most common arguments that I have had within the world of education is, "When am I going to use this?" The assumption is that if I am not going to use it, it isn't worth spending time on. Unfortunately it also assumes that we know what we are going to use or need in an unknown and unpredictable future.

However, what we do know for sure is that somewhere down the line we will need to do boring, monotonous, and unfulfilling tasks, that require mental and physical energy that we don't have or don't wish to expend. Much of "adulting" and even parenting is exactly that. How are we to judge while they are in the school-age years which of those skills our children/students will or won't be used?
The question "Will I use this?" as a argument for not studying a subject or topic, does not feed a growth mindset, nor does it instill humility necessary to learn anything. In fact, it often hinders our ability to develop the skill necessary to make the topic useful. Instead, the question de-values things, and sometimes people, that are not useful. It also subtly feeds the consumer mindset that makes the world revolve around my life.

Instead, if we have the mindset that says we will never be able to learn now all that will be useful in the future, we have to keep growing and learning. The question "Will I use this?" is better to evaluate proficiency. It is always good to keep learning, even if we don't every become proficient in a specific area. This is not an argument against proficiency in one area, but instead an argument against limiting ourselves to our areas of proficiency.

Preference Observations

It is normal for people, when encountering something, for our subconscious assesses our preference: do I like it? If we like it, we subconsciously decide that it has value. If we dislike it, we often decide the reverse, or put reservations on its value. Then, when we are asked, "Why do you like it?" we often start talking about who we are, our identity, or the reason behind who we are, our history. So when there is any push back or disagreement, we often feel personally attacked. 

The question “Do I enjoy this?” as an argument for not studying a subject or topic, limits our ability to grow no matter the situation. This makes ourselves the judge of the worth of a subject, and not even the rational self, but a very low level of instincts, which have been formed not only by natural personality but also through environment outside my control. If the individual is the grid through which the value of the world should be measured, there is no purpose for education. But there is also very little room for growth, community, or satisfaction with life.

Just like utility, preference plays an important part in education, but it cannot be the deciding factor of what to study. Preference shows us our strengths, and we should use those strengths to help us face our weaknesses. When we look for what we can enjoy in a subject, topic, or even situation, we can develop new skills and knowledge quicker than if we see our dislikes as a weakness, or devalue it as a subject.

So Why Do We Have To Learn This?

I think the best answer for “Why do I have to do this?” is the process of rediscovering Beauty, Wonder, and Self-Discipline. 

Beauty is the balance of order and chaos in a complex, nuanced world. Order is beautiful because of the chaos that makes it varied. But we cannot understand chaos without order. Complexity and nuance reminds us that there is more to the world than black and white, right and wrong. Those must exist, and we must know what they are, but to understand Beauty, we must also see everything in between. 

Wonder is the attitude that says, “The world is bigger than I have ever thought before!” We cannot have Wonder without humility. But it isn’t the humility that bows its head in shame, instead it looks up with gratitude and delight. Sometimes this comes naturally, but when we realize that it is also something that can be learned, and then take the time to develop the skill of wondering, the world becomes a rich place.

Self-Discipline recognizes that I am not in control, but responsible for my part of the world. It allows me to do what needs to be done, no matter how I feel about it. I must listen and learn to know how to best take care of the world around me. I must wrestle through the costs and benefits of inaction. I must do what is good for others, not just what I want.

However, all of these things can be twisted. When I try to become God - to take control, to determine what is most important - I will not be able to learn. So more important than any of these answers, is my position before God.

Without understanding the purpose of humanity and education, we cannot answer “Why do I have to learn this?”

The Superhero Paradox

Superheroes are cool. I like them. I am one.

 

However, as I've learned from my heroic struggles, superheroes have a problem. Spiderman is motivated by his uncle's words, "With great power comes great responsibility." Batman is haunted by Rachel's words, "It's not who you are on the inside, but what you do that defines you." Iron Man, the Hulk, Wolverine, Captain America, Black Widow, Miles Morales, Superman... they all struggle with the balance between who they are vs what they do.

Is Captian America great because he beats up the bad guys, or is he great because he has an inner integrity that stands up for what is good and right? Even though Black Widow has a dark past, does that affect her good actions now? Does Iron Man's sometimes selfish motivations alter the fact that he sacrificed his own personal safety and comfort to save the world?

Or is because of this struggle between who they are on the inside and what they do on the outside, that makes them so relatable? We all know that if we acted on every impulse the world would not be fit to live in. And when we see people who live that way, we know it is dangerous. Yet so much of our world demands us to do what feels right, to follow our dreams, to actuate our potentialities, while at the same time encouraging us to look out for the underprivileged, to take care of our natural world, and be nice. We live in the superhero paradox.

 Are we going to escape our baser instincts and do what is right for the world, even though it may be inconvenient or harmful to ourselves? Are we going to fight injustice and cruelty wherever we see it, even in the political posting of people we agree with? Are we going to base our lives on a right and wrong that transcends the popular or the pretty? Are we going to be superheroes?

This is not limited to superheroes, of course.

“The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either -- but right through every human heart -- and through all human hearts. This line shifts. Inside us, it oscillates with the years. And even within hearts overwhelmed by evil, one small bridgehead of good is retained”
― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago

It is a choice all of us have to make, every day, sometimes with each breath. Will we choose the good of others over the comfort of ourselves? 

But wait, you may ask, what about me-time? Self-care? Should I just always be giving up what I need to tend to the needs of others? Won't that burn me out? Won't I be able to do less in the long run if I don't take care of myself?

In response, I'd point out, there are no old superheroes. We remember them, not for their longevity, but their sacrifice. But also, that is part of the superhero paradox. There is the long-term good versus the short-term good, and for that, there is quote from another hero, 

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me.

Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.
--Paul, Philipians 1:20-26

Every hero knows that they live a life that is not their own, but is their responsibility. They care for and even love, the people they help, although only their alter identities can receive that love. Their fulfillment comes from giving up their desires. They are only partially satisfied with a job well done because there is always another person to rescue.

So I am going to live in that superhero paradox, of letting go and taking responsibility, of burning up and running long, of helping people who only appreciate their version of me, of dying to myself and finding true life. Are you a superhero too?

Calling

 We went to a Homeschool Hangout at the public library. There were six families. Two of the other moms are my friends from times before kids; one more was a friend of one my friends. I talked to the other two moms, asked their names, and a few homeschooling small talk questions like, "What is your favorite curriculum?" I enjoyed making connections, even though I felt like I never moved beyond the "networking" phase.

When it was over, we went to the children's area and there were some of the students from ICS, our local Christian school, where I worked four years ago. I had worked with several of them in the last two plays I was involved in. They greeted me enthusiastically, which was wonderful. They also greeted the two new mothers that I met equally enthusiastically. Those two homeschool moms had also taught at ICS; one had been the grammar teacher, the other was the Spanish teacher. It was delightful to see the surprise on our students faces that we were all together. And it was fun to make connections with these teachers who I had heard of, but never met! It was lovely.

Then I got to help a student think about a paper topic. I asked him some questions, didn't let him get away with, "I don't know," gave suggestions, read his reactions, gave other suggestions in the form of questions like, "do you know about the origins of your interest? What do you know? What don't you know?" It took about five minutes, but by the time he had to leave, he had the beginnings of a topic. And I had a reminder of why I love teaching.

I was so happy when we left the library. So of course, I analyzed it. I was happy because I used my skills and talents to make connections, between people and between topics. I was happy because I got to see my friends. I was happy because I got to talk with kids, and I love talking with kids.

Then the great debate that has been going round in my head since I started homeschooling began, yet again. Would I better serve God and the world by going back to being a teacher? I would have more influence, help more kids, point more people to Jesus, right? But what about my family? Would they thrive in that environment? Or would it be survival, like it was before?

That night, I distracted myself from that inner debate by scrolling Instagram. One of the suggested posts was of a woman who wanted to serve God by helping the poor. She finally got to go on a mission trip, and on that trip she met Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa told her that she is helping the world the most by being a mother, and to never doubt God's calling to that roll. The story resonated with my feelings and reasoning, but it was also affirming of the choice that we have made to home school. 

I don't know what the future may hold. Maybe someday I'll go back to school. Maybe not. But each time the debate begins in my head again, I am reminded to come back to God and let him define me and my role in the world, not my daydreams and expectations.

First Week of Homeschooling

Across the table, Malcolm is working on his typing drills. Eamon is practicing his cello, providing background music. They have already finished math and morning chores. When practice and typing is over, we will have our devotions and word/brain games, then do our language arts. Then I will make lunch, and they get either a break or independent work time, depending how much they have left, if any. After lunch, we'll do our together classes: history and/or science. 

If it sounds calm and organized, do not be fooled. Thrown into the mix is various church meetings, working on the project related to those meetings, trying to get caught up on laundry, dealing with bouts of complaining (me included), trying to finish putting things in our school drawers, checking work, seeing what cool thing the boys have discovered in their work, cleaning off my kitchen counter, and remember to drink enough water. 

Also, I either have a cold or allergies, or both.

Last night when I was complaining to God about how overwhelmed I was feeling and how I didn't want to do school today and worrying that we were all going to come down with some illness and that I know he uses weaknesses, but which of my weaknesses was he trying to use, and couldn't he use my strengths, or at least let my strengths be appreciated, I remembered Jesus's words.

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42

Sometimes these words sound like Jesus is scolding Martha, and I
guess, He kind of is. But when I hear them, they are so full of understanding, like when Aslan is talking to Shasta on the mountain pass. "Tell me your sorrows." And like Aslan, there is only one thing needed, just to look at Him, to be with Him. He doesn't take away all our worries and things to do, but he walks with us through them.

So life is not calm, organized, efficient, comfortable, but we are working towards peaceful - not the peace of ease, but the peace of walking with God.

Organizing

This summer my organizational skills fell apart. I think it has to do with being busy, not having a routine, and having more urgent projects to work on. So on Tuesday, I started a ridiculous project of re-organizing my kitchen without a solid plan. I started pulling things off shelves to put things on them, but then had to find places for those things. I finished pretty much everything last night; there are a few things that still need to find homes, but they have suitable temporary places.

It was not a good time. Usually, I plan everything out before I start moving things. That way, if I get interrupted, and I will get interrupted, I can pick back up where I was without loosing track of things. However, this summer, all my house projects didn't have a plan, just a vague idea. Then I started them. Then I got overwhelmed by how they affect other projects. Then I work on the other project. Then I get overwhelmed by the mess. Then I want to give up so I look at shelves and organizational ideas online. Then I eget started again and the pattern repeats. 

So the kitchen project got done-ish. But the art dresser and the school dresser and the piles of papers and projects around my dining and living rooms are not done yet and I am exhausted with the pattern of being overwhelmed and I feel pressured to finish it all before Labor Day.

I also took the StandOut Strengths test from Marcus Buckingham's Love+Work research. One of my strengths was being able to see big ideas as made up of many separate elements. By doing that, I am able to focus on and improve the pieces, or pull the pieces apart and put them back together in new ways. Reading and listening to Marcus Buckinghams's work has given me a lot of fuel for thought. One of his ideas is that by using our strengths, we are actually better able to improve our weakness, than if we focus on our weakeness. So for a long time, I have thought of my routines, schedules, and organization as coping mechanisms to deal with my disorganized brain and clutter tendencies. And they have helped me look like I have have my life together, like I am an organized person, and some of my church people think I am a "type A person". 

But that type of living has a price. Overload and burnout happen regularly. I am well acquainted with my patterns of feeling overwhelmed, failure, and trying harder next time. So this summer my organizational skills finally met their match and fell apart. So now, I have to look at all the pieces and put them back together in a new way.

First is remembering what I have done well. I did make a record keeping book for home school this year. I think it is our best yet. I took ideas from other planners, day-timers, record keeping spreadsheets, and recommendations from my evaluator, and came up with our own unique planners. I shared the ideas with some of my homeschooling relatives and they found some of the ideas helpful too. Using my strength of pulling together lots of ideas, and the humility that God has been working on, I was able to make something that worked for us but also complies to home school requirements for our state.

Second is to take a look at the other projects and see what the parts, and sub-parts are. So for organizing the diningroom, there is home school stuff, my office stuff, art supplies that we use in everyday life not just for projects, books, records, Thomas's papers, plants, decorations, and our cameras. There is also my family tree project and a minifigure shelf for the boys project. And the microscope we borrowed for the summer. But if I look at the subparts, I can see that some school supplies and some art supplies overlap, some books can but stored until next school year, my family tree project can be returned to my mother because it won't happen this school year, but my records and files need to remain accessible because I use them fairly often.

Third is to figure out the parts that aren't dependent on any other part. This is where my planning has been starting. In my brain, it kind of looks like a complex flowchart. When it comes out on paper, it usually looks like multiple check lists, but sometimes sketches or diagrams.

And fourth is to begin working. Which is what I am going to go do now.

The Spectacle of Daniel

The story of Daniel in the Bible has all the elements of an epic story. The main character is ripped from his family, encouraged to compromise his beliefs, and given a lot of power and responsibility, but he stands firm with integrity. His small group of friends strengthen him and hold him accountable. Then there are visions and prophecies and really bad bad guys. Throw in a fiery furnace and a lion’s den and the injustice of being punished for being good, but everything turning out just right in the end.

With so much raw material for such a great story, how did Sight and Sound come up with something that fell so flat? They got distracted by spectacle.

Spectacle are the extra things that draw away from the actual story, often added, “just because we can.”
One of the first lessons I learned in directing theater was “only include what is necessary.” The mentor who showed me this asked a series of questions. Why did we have the vase on the side table? Did someone use it in a scene? Did it draw attention to itself instead of letting the focus be on the action? Could the scene be accomplished the same way, or even better, without it there? Then if the scene could be done without the set or prop piece, you have permission to leave it out.

In our imitation of nature, remember what Johannes Kepler, the astronomer, mathematician, and philosopher, said, “Nature uses as little as possible of anything.” That doesn’t mean that we can’t have elaborate backgrounds and lavish sets or even animals on stage. It does mean that if those are the focus, we have created a spectacle, not a story. And stories are what make us human and connect us as humans.
The show Daniel got so much right. They made a great defense for studying the humanities as Daniel showed his wisdom from studying history, religion, and philosophy. They showed that Babylon was all about the spectacular and spectacle. They mentioned the difficulty of living true to God in a world that was out to distract and entice them away from Him.

Unfortunately, they didn’t listen to their own message. With such an emphasis on the accuracy of the Babylonia set, the way they moved like modern people was out of place. For example, in one scene, Nebucanezzar and his Queen invited Daniel to sail down the river. The entire boat ride, Daniel stayed still, but both Nebucanezzer and the Queen waltzed around the boat without a thought of dignity. If they really were sailing down the Euphrates, or whichever river it was, anyone watching on the shore would have thought Daniel was the king, and Nebucanezzar a slave seeking to do his master’s bidding. 

Daniel’s biggest emotional journey was wanting to go back to Jerusalem, because he thought God was there. But half way through, he learns that God is in Babylon too. But he still wants to go back because his parents are in Jerusalem, until Babylon attacks and executes them. For the rest of the show, home no longer pulls him, he trusts God is with him, and even though the bad guys are out to get him, he didn’t have an identifiable motivation. So at the climax in the lion’s den, the visual imagery was stunning, but Daniel seemed tired and ready for the play to be over. When he hugs his friends goodbye, does he fear of death? Is he trusting God? Does he look forward to seeing his parents in death? We never know. When he hugs them again after getting out of the lion’s den, is he just glad to be alive? Has his trust in God been strengthened? Is he just old and depressed? The staging of both hugs were the same so we cannot figure out the emotional connections from what could be the most memorable scene of the story. 

There were also several things that just didn’t move the plot along. In fact they made it drag. The scene with the dry bones. The rotating set pieces every scene. The up and down of the throne from below the stage. Very impressive, but very unnecessary. This made the highlight of the show for one of my boys getting to see the pigs run across the stage. Why were there pigs? I’m not sure. Why did the set pieces rotate every scene? I don’t know. Why did they include the valley of dry bones, when there wasn’t any other reference to its symbolism? I don’t know. 

I also don’t know why, when they got so close, did they not go the entire way and make it good? It wouldn’t have been too hard to cut some of the flippant or repetitive dialogue and replace it with a line about the followers of God being like dried out bones because they are worshiping idols instead of worshipping God as He commanded. Daniel could have realized that home isn’t a place on earth, but unity with God, so he could have been at home in the lion’s den because God was there. They could have walked and moved with dignity instead of flailing about or fluttering around, except when absolutely necessary, like when Nebucanezzer turns into a beast. 

And why does it have to end with an all cast praise and worship song? I understand that it shows that they are just acting and they really all worship God, no matter who they played in the show, but it doesn’t fit the story. One of the points in the Daniel story is that some people will follow God, but more will reject him. It will never be easy to stand firm like Daniel. We will face longing and lions and loneliness, but we can find God with us in all those situations. 

This isn’t to say that there was nothing good. Unfortunately, for each of the things that hinted at greatness, they fell short. For example, the explanation of the hanging gardens was really clever, and the queen sang a version of Daniel’s longing for home song. But when Daniel sang it, he was longing to be with God, and when she sang it, she only missed her home. This could have been a character point for Daniel - where he realizes that in his longing for home, he is longing for the physical, not the eternal. 

There was so much that could have been done, but they didn’t do it; they kinda hinted at it, but then let it fall flat. Sight and Sound makes everything spectacular, but in the spectacle, they lost the story and missed making a human connection.

Human Connections (Reflections while standing in line at Sight and Sound)

We watched Daniel at Sight and Sound on Tuesday. 

As we stood in line, a lady a few people ahead of us began to insist that the rest of her group join her, instead of waiting later in line. This makes sense to me, and I have no problem with it. However, the aggression and insistence with which she made this demand was a little startling. 

But I didn't have time to consider it much because a little boy from a family behind us had joined the boys and I. As his mother said, as she apologized defensively, he was probably, "leg-following." I said that it was no bother, and jokingly added, "I just counted to three instead of two." She turned away and wouldn't make eye contact, but instead scolded her son for wandering off, even though it was only two steps. Again I was startled by how the stress of entering the theater was affecting people. 

These were only the examples in the line. Throughout the visit, I saw similar passive aggressive or slightly rude encounters from the guests around me. It was as if they expected the world to revolve around them and they were going to ensure that they had a "good time" by demanding everything to go their way. I felt bad for many of the employees; they had their guards up, and though they were incredibly polite, they looked on edge and unwilling to get involved. After talking with some of the employees (my sister-in-law works there, so I was introduced to a few friends), being yelled at by a guest was not an uncommon experience.

I was shocked. Perhaps it is because usually when I smile and comment kindly, I receive pleasantness, gratitude, or even friendliness in return. Perhaps it is because I focus my attention on making human connections. Why, at Sight and Sound, was there a large percentage of people who seemed resistant to generosity of spirit, or perhaps they were surprised by such goodwill? Why did we observe such aggression and unkindness? Was it the stress of waiting in line? Being worried about not getting a seat? Is this something that is unique to Sight and Sound? Is it a local phenomena? It is the "tourist mindset"? Could their be something within modern Christianity itself that fosters this entitlement attitude?

I must add that these observations were not universal. Not everyone displayed this defensive or aggressive attitude. In fact, most of the people were indifferent to the other people around them. However a few people seemed to be actively resisting the stress with pleasantness. I thought the security guard looked tired, especially when the ladies in front were surprised that they had to open their purses, even though the sign clearly said that all bags would be searched. But when I held out my small bag, smiled, and thanked him for his work, he also returned the smile as he waved us through, instead of looking past us as some of the other house-workers did. Also, I saw a man and several children waiting beside the line. They looked relaxed, and happy to be there. I smiled at them, and they smiled back. I saw them several times throughout the visit, joined by a woman and several more children. Even when there were people pushing to get back to their seats during intermission, they didn't look particularly stressed. They moved through the crowd calmly and patiently and even with a smile.

I have two conclusions from my observations. First, usually you get out of an experience what you take in. If a person takes in stress and a determination to demand an amazing spectacle, they will get stress and an amazing spectacle. But they will also color the experience for the people around them. However, if a person takes in peace and the determination to enjoy whatever comes their way, they will get something to enjoy, and will be able to color the experience for the people around them. The people who don't bring a strong attitude will be colored by the people closest to them. Therefore, to create a positive experience both for you and others, you must take in a determination to be generous, gracious, and thankful for whatever comes your way. If it isn't a conscious choice, you will be colored by the people around you.

Second, the impact of a human connection cannot be underestimated. At the heart of human connection is an attitude that delights in other humans, or wants to make their life better, or encourage their heart for the journey ahead. There is a humility that is willing to see the good in messy people, including ourselves, and an acknowledgement that I can love because I have been loved. This perspective is difficult to maintain and will be under constant attack, but it is worth fighting for in our personal lives, as well as our organizations. 

It is my opinion that the administration at Sight and Sound could benefit from examining the difference between "making a human connection" and "putting on a show" at all levels of the experience. "Putting on a show" puts up walls, may create a temporary positive feeling but leads to no future change, and encourages further self-centered demands. It believes that even if we don't feel perfect, we have to act perfect so we don't get negative consequences. It cannot admit the need for help. There is very little choice, which means there is very little change or growth. The only thing that matters is how we appear in this moment.

"Making human connections" reminds us that we are one part of a bigger world. The way we act affects those around us either positively or negatively. It also reminds us that we have a choice, which means we can change and grow. It admits we need each other.  We can look through a person's behavior and see that they are humans just like us, with good moments and bad moments. We can show love and grace through the bad moments, and encourage the development of better choices. But because this is so difficult and will be under constant attack, to do it well as an organization, everyone needs the support from further up the organizational chain.

Developing human connections would improve the customer (and employee) experience, but it would also improve the show itself. But that is a matter for a different post.

GLS, Love, and Freedom

When I attended Global Leadership Summit the first time, I was heavily involved with my school and my church. I was a young mom who thought I could anything, but felt that I was failing at everything. The GLS gave me a chance for personal and professional development, as well as a break from my normal life. I knew I was a leader and I wanted to get better. And I did. 

However, I became more and more convicted to step down or out of every recognized leadership role. I stopped being Sunday School Superintendent, Sunday School teacher, Board Member, drama director, and teacher. When I finally had no more roles besides wife and mother, God asked me to wait. So I did.

 In the waiting, I got antsy. I wanted to do something big or important or world changing. I knew I was created for something, and I wanted to find that something and get working on it. I went back to being involved with school, but it was really stressful and in hindsite, I wasn't on the same page. Covid, not the GLS, reminded me that I wasn't called to be involved in everythings. So I left, again. All I was left with was dishes, laundry, menus/shopping lists, and homeschooling. And the idea that maybe I shouldn't do anything without my husband. Not bring him along to what I wanted to do, but stay with what he thought was important. So I did.

At this point, I felt that I had nothing left to give up. I had given up my plans, my roles, my dreams, my fulfillment, my enjoyment, everything I thought I valued. But in that silence, I realized that I was happy. I wasn't trying to fulfill other people expectations or become someone who would be a valuable member of the community. I was just me, and I was loved by God. And my family. And my friends. And my church. and even my little community. Not for what I do, but for who I am.

There is so much freedom in my life now. I am not saying I live like this everyday, or that I have reached my accomplishments. I have a messy house and a messy thought process. I spend so much of my time trying to bring order to those unruly aspects and I sometimes feel that I will never succeed. I wonder if I will ever be orderly enough, or patient enough, or kind enough... to be useful to God. But if there is any progress, it is in the part that I am quicker to believe that I am actually loved, just the way I am. That daily life has to begin with love, and end in love, and is only accomplish through love. And love is freedom.

In service which Thy will appoints
There are no bonds for me;
My secret heart is taught the truth
That makes thy children free;
A life of self-renouncing love
Is one of liberty.
~Anna L. Waring

Chasing Down Thoughts

Recently, someone asked me, "What have you been thinking about?" and I didn't know how to answer. It isn't that I haven't been thinking; it is more that I haven't figured out how to verbalize what I am thinking. There have been thoughts about our church, parenting styles, organizing next school year, StarWars costuming, how the errors of rationalism have effected every layer of our culture, the front yard, a series of Bible/theology lessons, the way people's brains change as they get older, and planning a photo book of our trip to Maine. Some of these thoughts have developed than others.

1. Parenting: According to wikipedia's description of parenting styles, we fit squarely in the authoritative parenting style: demanding and responsive. But that doesn't mean we don't second guess so many of our choices. Nor does it mean that I don't regularly feel like a terrible mom, tired of arguing, tired of being interrupted, too demanding, always nagging, etc, etc, etc. Since the boys have grown and changed so much in the past six months, so many of the things that I have considered foundational have been questioned, sometimes by them, sometimes by me. Why do we eat almost every meal together? Why don't we eat elsewhere in the house? Why do they get bored of playing? What is the difference between entertainment and amusement, and how does that affect our brains? How can we relax our brains when we need to, but use them when we should? Why is life such hard work? Sometimes we have great discussions. Sometimes we all start wailing. Sometimes we watch Batman. I'm pretty sure all of these things help in some way.

2. Our trip to Maine was amazing! I wrote a daily journal, and told a few stories to my friends, but I am still figuring out how to share why the trip to Maine was more than just a vacation. It was beauty and a story and lessons and love. Maybe that's why we call it an adventure.

3. Today, I figured out the final pieces of our homeschool year. Now we need to make it all happen. I think I am most excited to try out our new record keeping methods. The Bible/theology lessons are a lot of work, but the goal is to make a workbook that helps the boys understand where our beliefs come from. I feel pretty good about writing lesson plans, but this workbook is pushing my creativity. I'm also working on a scope and sequence on how to teach grammar, punctuation, and capitalization rules using whatever reading material available. The actual lessons I will create as I go along and see how much time each concept takes.

4. I am making a Mandalorian outfit out of cardboard for StarWars Day at a local children's museum. Cardboard is not my medium of choice, but I have learned a lot and am fairly please with the outcome. I have the arm braces let to make, then putting all the final touches on belts and badges, and stuff like that. I'm also working on pulling together a mechanic costume for me. My inspirations are Peli Motto from Mandalorian season 1, Rosie the Riveter, Kaylee from Firefly, and the mechanics in the X-wing hangar bay.

The rest of the stuff isn't really in words yet. Sometimes questions...mostly questions...but sometimes vague impressions of thoughts that when I try to say them come out upside down, or emphasizing something different than I intended. But maybe as I figure them out, I'll write them down.

Prince Caspian from the Logos Theater at Museum of the Bible

We went to the Museum of the Bible to watch Prince Caspian, performed by the Logos Theater company. It was a great way to celebrate finishing our play and inspire us for more plays in the future. It also provided a catalyst for thinking about theater, why I love it, what I think about it, what I wish it could become. So this is a personal processing, not so much a review, of the 1pm performance on April 6. 

The message of the play was that we need to follow Jesus no matter what opposition we may face - denial of his existence, doubting of companions, inability to see him, and unclear guidance - with the faith that He is working behind the scenes to bring us to victory. They presented the message mostly by telling the story, but there were several times when it was a bit didactic, though within didactic characters.  It helps that Aslan is so clearly a Christ figure that a character can say, "I will follow Aslan," without wading through salvation talk. In the characters of Trumpkin following the High King, and Edmund following Lucy, they also brought out the idea of following Aslan's shadow, so even when we can't see what God is doing, we follow those who can. All in all, they mostly managed to convey the message without stepping out of the story to preach it.

The story-telling was good. They kept many lines straight from the book, and I don't think adapters can beat the simplicity and humor of C. S. Lewis. Where they added and cut characters, it made technical sense, even though I would have loved to see a centaur or a giant. There aren't many female characters in Prince Caspian, so beefing up the ones that are there made some sense, and adding a few, like Mrs. Badger, and casting Repicheep as a female was understandable, especially considering that all the puppets almost had to be performed by men, even though I thought they were unnecessary. I also thought that by boosting those roles, they diminished the roles of Susan and Lucy. 

Thomas also pointed out the use of "money-shots" and I think that explains a lot of my issues with the storytelling. There were moments when the action stopped after an important line to emphasize the lines "hidden" meaning, or a important character point. So after Trumpkin says, "I will follow the High King," there was a significant pause. Or before Susan flounces out after the others, she has a moment in the spotlight. This is common in TV and movie acting, but to me, it feels unnatural on the stage. I do wonder though if it gives audience members not accustomed to stage theater a visual cue, like TV and movies do, just like the soundtrack gives auditory cues. It is one of those areas I am not sure what I think of. Should we use a soundtrack and money shots in live theater? Or do we embrace the limitations of what live theater is, and develop within those limitations?

The set for the play was amazing. This, by far, was my favorite part. The moving set pieces, especially the astronomy tower, was technically amazing. The transition from the train station to Narnia, and then back again was a spectacle in all the best sense of the term. I leaned over to Malcolm and said, "It would be fun to be the one moving the sets in this scene, wouldn't it?" I also loved the use of the "flies." Some of the set got lowered and some characters got flown. Most of the time, I felt it was seamless and beautiful. The breaking up of Beruna's Bridge seemed a little bit more of a spectacle in the negative sense - an important plot point, but so much energy and unique props put into it that it lost its power. 

I loved the costumes! They were beautiful, appropriate to the characters, and creative, even if the Telmarines' were imitations of the Vikings TV show. My favorite part, as a costumer, was that costume changes were explained well. My only critique was Peter's tunic, because when he put on his sword belt, it made the tunic paunch unbecomingly, rather than looking regal. (Caspian and Edmund's tunics had a defined waist, so they worked better.) The solution was for the boys to take on and off their swords every scene, which gave them something to do with their hands, so it ended up working out.

Their puppetry is incredible. Logos Theater prides themselves in their puppetry, and rightly so. The animals move like real animals. There were walking trees (even though one looked like Groot), and Aslan is enough in-human to be a powerful character,  not a person in a mane. The problem is that the puppetry requires recorded lines, which sometimes break the flow of a scene when the other characters make a mistake. I, personally, would like to see the head puppeteer also provide the voice, giving the character even more unity, but I don't know the technical details of that.

In each of these areas, since I have written for theater, directed young actors, and done costuming, as well as able to recognize many soundtracks (though not nearly as many as my children or husband), sometimes I feel like I can't appreciate a play as it is meant to be received. Sometimes I feel that I notice things that if I hadn't done theater, I wouldn't have noticed. But the noticing also comes with an understanding.

So I felt that the scene between the nurse and young Caspian was too long, too didactic, and too emotional. King Miraz never would have tolerated so long a delay in his command, and brief farewells are more Narnian. However, because I have written, I know how easy it is to add an unnecessary scene to make a point. In my opinion the scene should have been significantly shortened, but I understand why it wasn't. 

Another example is that I wished I could have directed Lucy and Peter. Lucy always held a closed position and cried and fretted too much. That didn't really change after she met Aslan; in fact, we don't really get to see a change in her at all. I don't know if it was a directorial choice or a personal acting choice, but I would have loved to see her play a more carefree and trusting Lucy, rather than the closed, timid one. Also, to me, it seemed that Peter wasn't having the best performance. Again, I don't know if they were choices or mistakes, but there were several times when I wondered if a line was given in the wrong place, or if there was redundancy in the script. Also, I listened to a short video of him talking about his character, and it made me sad because he saw (and therefore acted) Peter's failings more than his strengths. Bowing to Aslan was interpreted as being humbled, not as a fulfillment of his character. Facing death bravely in the duel was interpreted as insecurity. Peter isn't a perfect character, but he has nobility and honor, not pride and self-confidence issues.

My boys have pointed out that the things I critique most are often the things I like the best. Unfortunately, I have a feeling they are right. I enjoyed the performance so much. I appreciate what the Logos Theater is doing. I admire the people who are acting, writing, and directing there. The part of me that critiques most heavily is the part that also wants to be a part of their creative process. Where I saw weaknesses, I want to turn them into strengths, not rip it apart because it isn't good enough. 

That is why this is a processing, not a review. I loved it because it told a favorite story, well. I loved it because it did with its set and costuming all the things that I wish I could do when I direct. I loved it because I love the same Jesus that they serve, and can see His light in them. Those things are really more important than my observations and critiques. And not only that, their creativity has inspired my creativity, and I can't wait until we can do another play, building on all the things I am learning along the way.

Related but Disconnected Thoughts

The best leaders ought also to be the best followers. To be a good leader, you really have to be a good follower too. Following has to do with realizing I am not center of the universe, there is a leader over me, and I have to give up what I want for the sake of that leader's vision. If we can learn and understand that, we have taken a huge step toward being a good leader.

Maybe we should focus on accepting well-intentioned friendship, just as much as we focus on how to be a friend. There are lots of people out there that tell us what good friends are and what good community looks like. There are people who will advise what not to say to a grieving friend or how to be a friend to a person in crisis. But there are very few statements on how to receive unhelpful offers of friendship, what to do when a person tries to fix your problem, and what to do when people say hurtful things when you are already hurting. There ought to be a manual on "how to be a friend to people with a different friendship style than you."

Informality and authenticity are not the same thing. Formality could be the authentic way of showing a person how much you care about them, and informality could be an act. Formality and excellence often go hand in hand, but we shouldn't conflate the two. Some people prefer informality because it feels more "connected" and "real," but others find it to feel fake or inconsiderate. So formality and informality (in worship, in daily life, in relationships, in hospitality, etc.) are preferences we should be aware of not ideals to pursue.

Transparency is the new word for authenticity which was the new word for vulnerability. They are all trying to grasp at the attribute that allows other people to feel welcome, listened to, and not judged for being themselves. That means, Person A's perception of Person B's transparency has just as much to do with Person A's attitude and preference, as it does with Person B's actions.

As a Christian, the purpose of transparency is to display the image of God within us. Our sin and brokenness often hides or twists the true nature of God, just as it hides or twists who we were truly created to be. Our personality is not a filter that distorts that image of God, but is more like a prism that magnifies certain aspects of the image of God.

This connects to the Body of Christ and the Great Commission and church health and hospitality and homeschooling and my purpose in life, but I haven't figured that part out yet.

The Greatest Commandment

The Greatest Commandment is pretty familiar.

Jesus replied, "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Matthew 22:37-39

Have you ever noticed the quotation marks? Jesus was quoting portions of the Old Testament, and just like when we quote something now, more than the actual quote is understood - its context, its implications, etc - that makes the our quoting it funny or applicable.

The greatest commandment wasn't one of the big Laws; it was part of the Shema - part of what Moses said to the people of Israel before he died, in Deuteronomy 6:4-5 (emphasis added)

"Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength."

The second is quoted from Leviticus 19:18, right in the thick of other "various laws."

"Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord."

Before the greatest commandment, and after the second, is a statement that God is the Lord. When Jesus quotes it in Matthew, he seems to not only be saying "Love God and Love Neighbors," but also connecting himself with the Lord our God. Then Jesus says,

"All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

It is true that if we keep those two commands, we will be keeping the heart of all the other Laws. The Law also points to Jesus and is fulfilled in Him. But here, in the summary of the Law, we are presented a picture of bookends: "The Lord our God" at the beginning and Jesus implying, "I am the Lord" at the end. In between those bookends is Love from God, Love for God, and Love through God. This is only emphasized clearer in 1 John 4.

"God is Love."

1 John 4:7-5:12 is about how God's love for us shown in Jesus Christ is the foundation for our love for others, but John also points out that the entire Gospel is about this love that is bookended by the nature of the Trinity. Using the quotes that Jesus used, the entire message of the Bible is summarized. It ties together who God is, who we are, how we are separated from God, what God has done to fix it, and what we are supposed to do about it.

Here I've written seven paragraphs, trying to make loose connections. John took two chapters and makes clearer connections. Jesus did it in three sentences.

No wonder the Pharisees were silenced.

November 12

This is my children's message for tomorrow.

In the Old Testament, God gave his people a calendar that celebrated his gifts to them, and foreshadowed Jesus’s salvation, through a series of feasts through the year. Since then Christians have developed a liturgical year, which shows us and reminds us of God’s work in the world, through the birth, life, death, resurrection, ascension, and second coming of Jesus. The Liturgical year reminds us that all of life is about Jesus.

Our celestial year starts on January 1st, but the Liturgical years starts on the first day of Advent (in two weeks), which means the current liturgical year ends next week on Christ the King Sunday.

During Advent and Christmas, we celebrate Christ’s coming to earth as a baby. Epiphany celebrates the revealing of Jesus to all people, not just the children of Israel. Lent celebrates Jesus’s life on earth - where he laid down his glory as God, becoming human, our God with us. Holy Week celebrates his sacrificial death for our sins. Easter celebrates his miraculous resurrection. Pentecost celebrates the gift of the Holy Spirit, and the beginning of the church as a group of people who are going to follow Jesus with their whole selves. Then as Advent approaches again, we celebrated Jesus’ second coming, especially with Christ the King Sunday which reminds us that someday everyone will know that Jesus is the King of everything.

I wanted to review all of this to remind us of the liturgical significance of today’s passage as it talks about Jesus’ second coming. The disciples wanted to know the signs that Jesus is about to be recognized king over all the world. They wanted to be ready and they wanted to be a part of it. Jesus’s answer was that before he comes again, there is going to be a lot of trouble and hardship. But even in hard times, they could stand firm in their faith because he would be right there helping them.

Jesus is going to come again. I don’t know when. I don’t know exactly what it will be like. But I know he is going to come. And because of Bible verses like the verses that we read, I know life isn’t going to be easy and lots of bad things are going to happen. But I also know, just like the first disciples, the way we can be ready for his return is by standing firm in our faith, no matter what happens. And that we can stand firm because through his Holy Spirit, he is right here with us, helping us, supporting us, loving us, even if we can’t see, hear, or feel him. That is what faith is, the assurance of what we cannot see.

Jesus is coming. Remembering that, let’s bow our heads and ask Jesus to help us live what we believe: that he is with us now. In this world we will have trouble, but take heart, Jesus has overcome the world.