Let not those who hope in you be put to shame through me,We read this in our evening prayers last week. It resonated on a day where all I could see was my failures and my insufficiency, my mistakes and my sins. I felt bad for having done what I had done, but I felt more bad about how that reflected on what I say about God.
O Lord God of hosts;
let not those who seek you be brought to dishonor through me,
O God of Israel.
Psalm 69:6
As a mom, when I yell at my kids or try to bring a point home by making them feel bad, what am I saying about God?
As a school counselor, and I snap, or bring a consequence without taking the time to talk to the kid about it, what am I saying about God?
As a wife or friend, when I snark and complain about my life and my job to my husband or friends, what am I saying about God?
I want to reflect God's love through Jesus Christ and His power through the Holy Spirit, but too often I am a tarnished mirror and don't reflect anything except my grime.
But this verse reminds me that I am not responsible for God's reputation. God is who He is, whether or not I reflect him well. The better I reflect Him, the better I am, but my reflection doesn't change him. Those who seek Him will see Him where ever He is, and maybe sometimes that will be through my life.
On the flip-side, I cannot use other Christians to define my beliefs about God. "If they do that, and that was wrong, then I don't want any association with them." That isn't how God views me, (thanks be to Him), and I am just as bad, though perhaps in different ways. God is who He is, whether or not other people reflect him well.
There is so much more in Psalm 69, about sin, about following God through trials, about being misunderstood and misinterpreted by people, but I am still meditating on it. For now, "let not those who seek you be put to shame through me, O Lord God of Hosts."
