Peace

For the ladies retreat, I prepared to lead discussions on peace as the fruit of the Spirit. We focused primarily on peace with God and within ourselves, peace as the opposite of worry. This week for Girls Club, I am preparing lessons on peacemaking - living at peace with others. Interestingly enough, both aspects of peace are addressed in the parable of the debtors.

In Matthew 1:21-35, Jesus tells about a servant who owes his master a lot of money. The master wants to sell everything thing that the servant owns, and his wife and children, to make up a small portion of the debt. But the servant pleads for mercy and more time. The master released the servant and forgave the debt. But then that servant went to a fellow servant who owed him money and demand payment. When the second servant pleaded for more time, the first servant put him in debtors prison. All the other servants saw this and told the master who said to that first servant, "You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should you not have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?" And put him in jail until the servant could pay all the debt back.

Jesus says that when we don't forgive those who do wrong to us, God will not forgive us.

I will be focusing on the second part of the masters rebuke. If you have been forgiven a great debt, wouldn't it make sense to forgive others little debts. But I cannot teach this out of a sense of accomplishment because as I was thinking about it, several little grudges popped into my mind - things that I have held against people, sometimes almost unconsciously, and hindered our relationship. How can I be bitter or unforgiving to people, even when they have hurt me greatly, when Jesus has forgiven me so much?

How can I be bitter against my previous college, even when they did what was wrong, when I remember the ways I have deliberately done things I know God didn't want me to do, and he still loves me? How can I not forgive authority figures who have been insensitive and unreasonable, knowing that God has forgiven me? How can I hold a grudge against a friend for an thoughtless word, when Jesus died for my thoughtlessness?

When I remember that Jesus' death has made peace between God and me, I can live peaceably with all people. I can live out of the grace I have received, rather than out of what I perceive as my rights.

Then, as I am at peace with God, I can become at peace with myself, and can extend that peace to all I am around. I am able to address wrong doing without attacking an "enemy." I am able to not participate in gossip and slander. I am able to love without holding back, just as Jesus loves me.

Drink

Two new posts today.

Last night Thomas and I came up with a delightful little beverage. Pernod, mint syrup*, and Club soda. I don't know all the exact measurements, but it was about 1 part Pernod, 2/3 part mint syrup, and double the total with Club Soda. The mint syrup added a bit of sweetness without taking away from the anise-ness of the Pernod. It left a nice fresh feeling in the mouth.

*Mint syrup is made by boiling 1 1/2 cup chopped mint leaves (about 20 tops, if I remember correctly) with 2 cup sugar and 2 cups water.

Questions

Our pastor preached on Genesis 33 yesterday, about the reunion of Jacob and Esau. Though it wasn't a major point in his sermon, he said something that caught my attention. He talked about how Jacob was a changed man. He had wrestled with God and now had a limp. Now every step reminded of who he was before God. But Esau was not a changed man. Sure he wasn't angry anymore, but he wasn't really changed. He was just the type of person to get really angry and then get over it. He is a self-made man.

This is what jumped out at me. The way we know Esau was not a changed man is because he doesn't credit God with any of his good fortune.

Today I have been thinking about that and relating it to other things I have been thinking about. What could be said about me? Would people who hear me talk know that I am a Christian? Is that a bad thing? Is it always a good thing to be obviously a Christian? Don't some people have misconceptions about who Christians are and if they know I am one, will they be turned off to anything I say? Will I make a mockery of Christ by my inconsistencies and failings?

James 3 says faith without works is dead. We need to do what is right to show that we are Christians. Is there room for being a quiet Christian? Is there a place for everyone not knowing my religious beliefs? Do I always need to be talking about God and his ways?

But I have a feeling these aren't the right questions. If Jesus has changed me and I am seeking to be more like him every day, how much should I think about what my witness is? Should I just focus on being like Jesus? Or should I be focused on what Jesus has done for me and let what I do just come? Either way, my focus isn't usually in either of those places. I usually am focused on what I feel like doing or wish I was doing rather than Jesus at all.

I want my outside (what I do) to match my inside (the Holy Spirit residing in me).

Months

I realized it has been about a month since I last wrote. Lots has happened and I have thought about many things, but they have not formed any cohesive posts. So much has changed in the past two months and I can see them changing more each day. It has been as though my whole world was thrown into the air like confetti and is slowly settling and I am left trying to put it back together. Sometimes I feel very alone. Sometimes I just want to be distracted. Sometimes I am happy and almost feel like who I was before.

Today marks the second month from the day we found out we lost the baby. Two months is a long time. The first three months of pregnancy seem to have gone by much slower than the past two, and I was much busier then. Maybe it is because that day sometimes seems as if it were just yesterday. There is not a day when I don't think of my baby, but sometimes it hurts more than others.

But it has been a busy month. I loved watching the World Cup and watching Thomas get into it. He got us Espania shirts to wear for the final. And they won! We are not those who cheer for Spain just because they won. We were cheering for them since USA got knocked out. At least I was. For a while I was wavering between Netherlands and Spain, because of my Dutch background, but I enjoyed watching Spain so much better. And they seemed to show a nice balance of sportsmanship and competition. They also seemed to be perfectionists. If they were going to get a goal, it was going to be set up just right. It made for lots of passing and running around but I enjoyed that.

We went to Georgia for a week (last week to be precise) and that was very nice. Thomas and I got to visit some museums and Callaway Gardens as well as spend some time with friends and family. The week went really fast and it felt like just as we were getting into the swing of things we had to leave. I will have to post some pictures at some point.

We also have voice lessons, Wednesday night Girls Club (I am teaching), and helping friends in the church. That means we have not gone to any softball or Ladies Bible Study and have tried to keep our weekends free. But that hasn't worked so well. However, the house stays relatively clean, food is on the table, I write and read and go online (probably more than I should), and keep myself busy. I need to work on some of those "summer projects" before summer is over.

It is raining now, but there is some blue sky. A gentle breeze is coming through the windows, which I have open to help air out the house from our vacation. Since the rain isn't coming in, I might just keep the windows open, while I close my computer and figure out what next to do.