Created/Creator

With the possibility of moving looming, I have been thinking about downsizing a lot. There are plenty of things in my kitchen that I like having, but I don't need. I have boxes of decorations, boxes of memories, boxes of crafting stuff; those things I could part with if I needed to. But my boxes of fabric? My dresser of fabric? My bins of fabric? With a few exceptions, I would have a really hard time giving them up.

When I took the picture of my fabric for a post on The No-Clutter Mom, I realized why. When I look at each piece of fabric, I see what it could become. Usually I see dress, skirt, or blouse, often for a specific person. I also have a bin of potential doll clothes, and there are curtains, chair coverings, handbags, gifts waiting to be put together. It would be hard for me to give up those possibilities because they are a part of my creative soul.

However, there are a pieces that I don't know what they are yet. I like them. They are beautiful or unique, but I haven't figured out what they are meant to be. I saved 4 yards of white satin because it flowed and moved like water. I didn't have a specific plan, but I thought it might be useful. It became my sister's wedding dress. I have this wool weave (it's the red and grey piece in the picture). I don't know what it is, but it reminds me of Mrs. Macready (the Professor's housekeeper in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe) in all the best ways. I like her better because of this fabric. It would be hard for me to give up these pieces too because they inspire me to continue searching for their use.

I have also been considering the ramifications of being made in the Image of God. Just to name a few, we were created for communication, created relationships, created to create. So I wonder if my love of fabric is an aspect of the Image of God in me. I wonder when God looks at us, does He see what we could become or will become? Just as I don't want to give up the fabric because I see its potential, I wonder if God looks individuals, or at the human race, and doesn't want to give them up because of what we might become. I wonder if that is what it means when God says, For God so loved the world...

Not that I'm ready to die for my fabric. But if the love for my creative dreams is a shadow of God's love for the Masterpiece of His Creation, who He did die for, then what does that mean for me as a creator, created in the image of God? Is there something sacred about finding the purpose for a piece of fabric? Is this planning and saving in some way holy? And if I feel this way about fabric, which has no soul, how should I look at the people around me who have the Image of God in them? Could my creativeness be an inspiration for them to reach for their potential?

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14 (emphasis added)

I believe that God created each of us for a purpose. I don't know what that purpose is, and I don't think we will ever know entirely. But in the way I keep those random pieces of fabric around because I want to find their use, I keep seeking and striving and praying for where I can fulfill my purpose. "I press on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me," which is, to know Christ, even in his sufferings (verse 10-11).

If we move, I may have to give up some of my beloved fabric. What a comfort to know that our Savior never has to move or downsize, but rather, the closer we get to him, the more immeasurable he gets!

An Ariel's Shot

I was rereading something I wrote a while back. I had forgotten the details of a race of flying creatures, the Ariels, wanting to get drunk, but needing to fly straight. Oh, it might be helpful to know that Gonzalo is a telepath. Here is the scene:

Zhara: an Ariel

This time he sat in a bar. He ordered an Ariel’s Shot. Zhara had taught he to drink, in her memory, he would drink. This liquor was strong and buzzed immediately, but metabolized quickly. As the custom, Gonzalo threw back the first shot then tapped the cup twice for the refill, which was sipped and refilled to continue the buzz as long as it was desired. The ritual was closed with a full glass of water, which allowed the Ariel to fly straight has he left the bar. The drink effected humans differently, but Gonzalo was accustomed to the sensation. When his shot was refilled, he stumbled to a booth in the corner and let his mind wander as he sipped. 

An older man slipped into the other seat. “Not many drink an Ariel’s Shot like an Ariel.”

Without really meaning to, Gonzalo shot a picture of Zhara's body being carried away into the man’s mind. He realized instantly that he was not in full control of his abilities. Alhough he focused on the smooth texture of the table under his fingertips, but he couldn’t control his shaking fingers.

“A Telpy? That’s something new too. Alright, who was she?”

Gonzalo tried to find a word to describe Zhara, but there was no single word that fit.

“OK, show me.” The man was gentle.

Gonzalo looked sharply up. He suddenly understood the Ariel proverb, “There is nothing so desirous as an open mind.” He had originally thought it was an exhortation to be open to new experiences and information, but now he realized that to an Ariel, who were all telepaths, and open mind meant unrestricted access to another person’s mind. Something told him this man also understood that, but was not afraid of opening his mind to that danger.

Cautiously at first, Gonzalo showed the man his life with Zhara, how she had saved him, trained him, guided him, taken care of him, loved him. As he remembered her, his grief was unleashed and he put his head in his hands and wept. He knew that in this state he was vulnerable to mental attacks, and if this man was a telepath himself, he was in great danger. But no attacks came.

Instead, as Gonzalo controlled his emotions, the man ordered a glass of water, then got up to leave. “Drink it and find me. Turn right at the corner and look for the red feather.”

Musings on the GLS applied to church

I had the opportunity to attend a live stream of the Global Leadership Summit. I have been working through what it all means since. I went, not considering myself a leader, simply a person who has been thrown into leadership positions. Other people lead much better than I do. It is just one more area I muddle through.

However, the GLS challenged that assumption, with a new assumption: I am in leadership positions; I had better lead well. Then it gave me some practical suggestions for leading. I gave a report to the Board about how to apply it there. I am still working through what it means for my home. And I became convinced that I needed to step down from leadership at my church.

This last issue is a big step. I have known that I needed to step down for a while. Even going into it, I said I was going to be a transition person - a temporary fix - not a long-term administrator. So I have been hemming and hawing about making changes, trying to make everyone happy, feeling burnt out, and putting things off until the last minute. But now that I have an end date in place, I am motivated to complete the transition.

Today, however, I felt my resolve being challenged. Today was Rally Day. The biggest day of the Sunday School Year. We had more kids than I expected: 27, if I remember correctly. The teachers were excited. The kids had fun. A few of them even wanted to invite their friends for next week. I love these kids and these teachers. I want to see them succeed. And I am their leader.

That comes back to the GLS. People are desperate for good leadership. People want to see their talents being developed to support a mission they believe in. People want change, but don't like the feelings of uncertainty that comes with change. People need hope - something to believe in, and someone to believe in them. People want to be listened to, valued, inspired.

I realized something. I thought of myself as a leader of the children. But really, I am a leader of the teachers, helping them be leaders for the children. If I can inspire them to be leaders, then the Sunday School program will succeed, without me.

Eamon's First Day of School

Today was Eamon's first day of Kindergarten. On Sunday, he was very nervous and didn't want to go. Monday morning, he told me he wasn't so scared. And today, when I walked him up to his room, I asked him if he was ready for me to leave. In a very nonchalant voice, he said, "You can go now, Mom. I'm good." He still looked worried, but was very brave.

At the end of the day, I met him by the door. He saw me and gave me the best hug. He didn't talk much about the day, but asked if he could finish his lunch in the car. Little by little he said bits about the day, who he played with, how he lay still for rest time because he didn't want to get into trouble, the letter i as in igloo, and such. He liked school, although he was very tired by the end of the day.

Something changed today. Instead of a being who is always around, I think he saw me as a person for the first time. It was just a glimpse of who he was and who I was, but the window of the future cracked open for a moment and I caught a snatch of who we could become. It was beautiful and scary at the same time. I am so happy that I get to be his mom.