Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the first day of school.

Why is it so nerve racking this year? This is my sixth year teaching, and I am not teaching anything new. I have my lesson plans mostly worked out. I am working on the letter to parents and a monthly schedule. There are a few things for Latin I need to get figured out, and a few more stacks of music to sort. But tomorrow is it - another school year will have begun.

Perhaps it is the changes that have happened at the school. There are new administrators. I am not doing drama. Families are leaving, and others are coming. My dad and sister won't be there. I have my own classroom, where kids come to me, rather than me go to all their classrooms. I have new students.

Perhaps it is because I am re-working all my curriculum and plans from last year. There were certain parts of what I did that I really liked, but there were other parts that just didn't work. This year I am trying to figure out how to reach the goals I have, but in new ways. I am realizing my inexperience and my need to focus on the next step. And rather than working really hard at one class and letting the others slip, I am trying to keep them all balanced. As well as balancing them with the rest of life. It is overwhelming and I haven't even started yet.

Perhaps I not feeling ready because this isn't the year I had planned for myself and making plans for an entire year is kind of scary because things change very quickly. So here I am trying to plan the year, but also focus on the next step.

I need a story. A story that helps me understand how to have long- and short-term focus. A story that reminds me why I am talking each step. A story that reminds me that it will all be ok in the end.

Children of Invention

Every now and again I will encounter a trailer for an out-of-the-way movie that strikes my interest. Children of Invention was such a movie. A Chinese single mother, in trying to support herself and her two children, gets unknowingly involved in a pyramid marketing scheme - where they don't sell products, but the idea of selling products to get rich quick. She has already been evicted, and taken advantage of by vitamin marketing scheme. However, just before she gets her first paycheck in this new endeavor, the company gets busted and she is taken to jail. When she doesn't return home at night, or the next morning, the children realize something is wrong. They decide to sell some of their inventions to earn enough money to buy back their house.

That sounds like the set up to a movie, but it ended up being the entire movie. Their invention sales and conclusion of the story really only took the last 15 minutes. For the first half, the mother was the main character. But once she gets arrested, the children become the protagonists.  But their story doesn't really go anywhere, because the mother's story needs to be resolved.

Even though the story was somewhat disappointing, the characters were rather realistic. Elaine was a mother who wanted to make everything right for her children - to take care of them, to make sure they knew she loved them, to let them believe that everything will always be OK because mommy is control. Raymond was an older brother beginning to understand money struggles as well as the responsibility of taking care of a younger sister. Tina was a little girl just realizing that the world doesn't revolve around her desires and needs. And she was really cute too.

Though this isn't a movie I would recommend on film-making quality, it does have many endearing and redemptive themes. It is good to see that knowing the truth, even if it hurts, is better than believing a lie, even for a child. It is good to watch a brother understand his love and desire to protect his little sister, even when she can be a brat. It is good to see a little girl give up what she wants because she loves her mommy. And it is good to watch justice and mercy work hand in hand to not completely crush this struggling family, without making everything just work out happy-go-lucky.

However, better than the movie itself, was a short film on the DVD. The Window-breaker was similar in many ways, but the story telling was much better. It touched on deceitful businesses, racial stereotyping, and inventive children. It was fun and only 12 minutes long.

Children of Invention seemed to be a good starting point for its creators. I would be very interested in seeing what else they do. They seem to have good ideas and interesting characters, but the story-telling isn't very compelling.

More Pictures

I just got some of my film developed.

Happy Thoughts

Here are some happy thoughts for the day. I hope you enjoy them.

Don't worry.

Give and receive love.

Have fun doing ordinary things.

Take time to ponder the mysteries of the world.

I only pray when I'm in trouble

Allen Levi writes really good songs. One of his recent ones is about how things sometimes change very quickly and we aren't in control. The chorus says: "I only pray when I'm in trouble/But I'm in trouble all the time." When Thomas told me about it, I was really bummed out because life is so full of messed up people and events and places, so it took a slightly different meaning.

Sure, life doesn't go as I plan and I know things can change quickly, but the trouble I usually feel is the trouble that I make for myself. The troubles of perceived expectations (a good woman is more concerned about the welfare of her family and areas of service, then about her personal hobbies and interests) and guilt (I just spent way too much time online, or I didn't read my Bible and pray, or I didn't exercise all week, or I got angry with my husband, or...) often bother my spirit more than the lack of control on physical situations.

That means I am always in trouble, or rather I am always getting myself into trouble, or trouble is not far away at any given moment.

So what do I do? I only pray when I'm in trouble. I don't/shouldn't fret or worry or dig a hole to hide in, or run away, or distract myself. I only pray when I'm in trouble. Now I don't mean that I don't deal with the situation, but isn't prayer the first step in dealing with it? And part of the second and third and all the other steps too?

I only pray when I'm in trouble, and I'm in trouble all the time.

My Sister

I was almost nine when my baby sister was born. I had wanted a sister so very badly. Brothers were great and all, but I wanted a sister. What I remember most though was that she cried whenever I held her for a while. But as she got older, it got better and better. I got to help take care of her, go on walks, play dress-up and Playmobil, help her eat hard pears, and be there when she woke up in the night. She would crawl into my bed and cuddle in. By the morning I was so warm, I couldn't sleep, but I didn't want to move because I loved having her trust me.

Sometimes I miss those days. The times we would play together, or lay in our bed across the room and talk, or go on walks together. But usually, I don't. Usually I am so glad because now she is more than just my baby sister to look after and love. Now she is my friend to share with and learn from, to laugh and cry with, to be crazy with and pest, and be pest-ed back, and to love.

And now she is going off to college. I am very excited for her, the new things she will experience, the new challenges she will face, the new accomplishments she will develop, the new people she will meet, but I am going to miss her too.

"Heart to heart laughter
Head to head tears
You are my sister
Twice..."

I love you, Bug.
Love, Roosevelt.

Baby Shower

Today was my sister-in-law's baby shower. She is so adorable with her little (or perhaps I should say big) pregnant belly and her lovely smile. Mom and I planned it, but I got to be hostess. We decorated with sheep and duplo blocks. I made a watermelon baby cradle and everyone brought food to share. It was a lovely time, but it wore me out! I came home and fell asleep for a good half hour at least.

I love coming up with games for showers. This time we played "Name that Tune" where I hummed a children's song and they wrote down the title. There was also see how many songs we could come up with the word"baby" in it. And "Mothers of the Bible Trivia."

Mom spoke on sacrificial love - how Christ's sacrificial love lets us love even when loving gets tough. Whether it is a baby the cries all night, every night, or a child who doesn't want to hear what we say, or living with disappointed dreams, we need Christ's love that lets us give up ourselves and live for someone else.

Today

Today is a cleaning and cooking day. We are having company tonight, and the table needs to be cleaned off, the dished need to be washed, and the floors need to be vacuumed. Besides the food for tonight, I need to make some food for a family reunion on Sunday because Saturday is my sister-in-law's baby shower.

So this morning what did I do? I fell back asleep for a little bit (which was good because I hadn't slept very well since 3:30 this morning). Then I went and organized my sewing things in the basement. It doesn't look organized quite yet, but it is. I just need to put things in boxes now. This has been a project that has kind of been hanging over me all summer, except, it is in the basement, so I guess it is really hanging under me, or sitting under me, or something... But now the end is in sight. I bet I could finish it in one more day.

Then I can actually do some sewing. Think of that! I have a box, a large box full of mending, two alteration projects for a friend, and several projects that just need to be pieced. So even though I have gotten nothing done that I needed to, I am very satisfied with what has gotten done.

Invictus Review

I watched the movie Invictus as a historical drama about the South African Rugby World Cup and Nelson Mandela's work in fight apartheid. I thought it was a good story, but confusingly told. I wanted the characters to be developed a bit more, the story to hang together better, and to be persuaded to care about the success or failure of the Rugby team. Perhaps if I knew more of the history I would care more about the story, but I didn't. Don't get me wrong, I thought it was good, but not as good as I wanted it to be.

But then I began to consider the poem "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley. All of a sudden, the movie made sense. It wasn't a historical drama; it was an artistic response to the poem. The poem, not the story was the point of the movie. Or perhaps, the story was only supposed to illustrate the meaning of the poem.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
From my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced or cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
Yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how straight the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

The movie then becomes the story of many different men and women who make this inward journey. Bearing the "bludgeonings of chance" and the cruelty of men, they lift their heads and stand firm, not because they know that tomorrow will be better, but because by standing firm, they have already conquered their greatest foe, themselves. When they stop seeing people as the enemy, they are able to forgive, to work hard, to reach out, to achieve goals they never thought were possible. People became partners, and situations became stepping stones. Then the inward victory could fuel the outward victory.

Using this perspective, I liked the movie very much. It focused on the heart of people, the "why" they do things. It showed how forgiveness changes the way we respond to everything, but it doesn't always change the way others respond to us. It separated actions from consequences, in the sense that it let actions be right, whether or not the consequences are favorable. And it showed that often the people closest to us are the ones who get hurt the most in the battles with ourselves. And no victory comes without casualties.

That perspective is not too far from the Truth God gives us in His Word. But rather than fighting on our own as the movie presents, we have a Conqueror who fights beside us. My greatest enemy is still myself, my fears, my selfishness, my grudges; but he has already conquered them, and gives me the strength to live out that victory. He lets us not only stand firm in the face of despair, but also hope. In His strength, we are not only unafraid, but filled with joy. By His mercy, we are not only unbowed, we can love those who beat us. I have something better than being the master of my own fate because Jesus, my Savior, my Lover, my King, is the captain of my soul.

Another Les Mis Post

My cousin was in a joint community arts production of Les Miserables. We went to see it on Sunday. It was completely acted by highschoolers from six or seven different high schools. They took the cream of the crop, and my cousin was one of them. Pretty cool if you ask me. He was one of the ensemble and did a good job.

I love Les Mis - as readers of my blog may have noticed before now. Each version that I encounter reminds me of why I like it so much. The story is powerful. It hangs on the conflict between love and the law both within Jean Valjean as well as between Valjean and Javert. Then there is the conflict between dreams and reality within Fantine and Cosette as well as the students on the barricade. But ultimately each of the characters come face to face with the world and all its ugliness, and must choose whether he will join the ugliness, but do what he can to make it a more beautiful place.

The music is beautiful. There are so many significant repetitions of melodic themes, and uses of chord structure and intervals that I only am beginning to discover as I learn more about music. I love it when the various characters sing different things at the same time, but it all works together to make an amazing conglomeration of sound. I think my favorite song in that vein is On Day More. But there are also beautiful soliloquy songs, like "Stars," "I Dreamed a Dream," "On My Own," "Empty Chairs and Empty Tables," and "Valjean's Prayer."

The version we saw on Sunday had all those things. The balance between singers wasn't always quite right, but it was a musically beautiful performance. They were very strong singers, but were able to convey quite a bit of emotion in their voices. Marius was the perfect blend between strength and gentleness. Valjean and Javert both had incredible ranges and breath control. Eponine and Fantine both new how to sing struggle and let their voices soar.

However, I could still tell they were highschoolers. Perhaps I am more tuned in to these sorts of things because I have directed highschoolers and watched them interact and move. They did not know what to do with their hands. Sometimes it seemed that their stage movement was purposeless and uncertain. And the chorus tended to be distracting while duets or solos where going on. But also they moved like kids. It is hard to exactly explain, but there was too much impulsivity, quickness, and lack of deliberate-ness to their movements. But they were highschoolers, so it only makes sense they looked like it.

Thomas and I talked about if we were staging it, how we would do it differently. There were times when the soloist just wandered about, or sat somewhere on the stage, and we would give them something to do. We talked about how we could avoid those moments and movements that accentuated the youth of the cast. And we would watch out of the same motion being done the same way again and again. We also talked about how he thought about it from an actor's point of view, and I tended to think about it from a director's point of view.

But for all the staging critiques, we enjoyed it immensely. And Thenadier and his wife were really good. They worked very well together and both new how to ham up a scene without going over the top. And my cousin made a very good dead body that Thenadier dragged "into the sewers" to rob. Excellent acting there.

The difficult thing about seeing live theater is once you have been on stage, being part of the audience just tickles the desire to do get up there again. Now we want to do it again. Watching is good and fun, but is it enough?