Catching up

Monday Thinking: I don't want to wake up for in-service at 7:30. Good thing I can act sociable. Meetings. Lots of good stuff. Brain about to explode. Oh, another meeting. Fun. Late supper. Finish editing..zzzz...

Tuesday Written:
Last week, I had a pretty good schedule for writing and teaching. I worked all afternoon on school, then after bed time worked on my story. Everything else happened in between. Unfortunately, that meant not much else happened. Dishes and laundry and kids and husband kind of got squeezed out a little bit. Saturday, I felt like I crashed, and Sunday, I focused on catching up and resting. However this week, trying to find a better balance, I feel that I all out of wack again, and it is only Tuesday. Late supper again.

Wednesday:
I am so behind with my 100 words, but I have three posts just buzzing in my head. Quick take notes so I can finish them and have something to write about for the rest of the week. How did it get to be 8:15 already? Oh, right, late supper. Boys are going to bed late again. One of these days I'll be able to pull things together. Maybe.

Tuesday's Post

Finished on and publish Wednesday.

I been working on this story for three years or more now. I think I am almost done with the first complete draft, but before I could finish it, I had to go back and edit some details to keep things consistent. After reading the chapters that seemed to tell the most coherent story, I decided that each chapter should be between 4000 and 5000 words. So as I have got back to edit details, I am also cutting, adding, rewriting to fit the word length.

This week I encountered a long chapter and I had to cut lots of words. I worked on it all weekend and finally got it down to 5200 words. I thought 200 words isn't many over my limit. The limit is arbitrary anyway, and thought I would move one.

But those 200 words nagged me. They kept telling me that I was missing something unimportant that needed to go. The argued that I hadn't gotten the characters right, and that I was getting too sentimental. So I went back and cut some more, and then again, and again. After all that I was down to 4970 words, and I didn't feel like there were any gaps in the story. If anything, it was more consistent with the larger story and solid as a chapter.

At least, that is how I felt after reading it the last time. Who knows how it will stand the next edit?

Teaching Video

I made my first teaching video yesterday. After watching it a few times, I am rather critical of it, but at the same time, I am also rather proud of it. Maybe this teaching online thing won't be so bad... maybe?

Anyway, that is what I did instead of blogging my 100 words.

Funny Story

I was trying to rewrite a section of my story where a boy encounters a girl with a dislocated shoulder. I know basic first aid to check for vitals, keep the person safe, and such things, but I couldn't remember if the arm is out of position, should it be moved to strap it close to the body in order to keep it immobile or should he just leave it alone until someone more qualified could take care of it.

So I took to Google and did some research. I was reading about various injuries and the best way to proceed in taking care of them, when rather suddenly, I felt very ill and thought I might pass out. Had this never happened before, I would have been very concerned. But I am rather familiar with this sensation when encountering major injuries that I have no way of helping, so my adrenaline doesn't kick in. When there is something for me to do, I can usually push through, though I usually need time to recover myself when it is all over. However, my imagination has gotten the better of me many times.

Immediately, I bent over and put my head between my knees. When that didn't help as rapidly as I had hoped, I quickly closed down my research, without finding an answer, put away my computer, grabbed my phone, just in case I would need assistance, and went to lay down on the couch. The walls of darkness were rapidly closing in. However, within minutes of laying down, I was fine, but I decided that I should practice my Spanish instead of writing anymore.

Then next day, I called my mother, an RN, to tell me what my character should do. I am so glad that she can be my medical research.

CRAZINESS

I didn't think teaching a class would be all that much work. I didn't think working more hours would actually take that much more time.

Maybe I am over-reacting because yesterday was Monday and I was in meetings all day long! Maybe it was because, usually I can put the boys to bed and work on what I want to work on and still be ready for the next day. Maybe I have gotten out of the habit of being perpetually behind on everything I need/want to do.

Whatever the reason, I am in a technology shock. I had to take a nap today, just to get my brain on straight again. I was so stressed out all morning, that I felt like I was shaking. I wasn't, but I was on edge. Now I have a lesson to prepare for the morning, some technological issues to straighten out and about 5 phone calls that are hanging over my head.

I know I will find a new routine and pattern shortly, but I have 100 words to write in the middle of being overwhelmed, so here it is. Now on to figuring out how I am going to make the concept of point of view interesting and applicable to 7th and 8th grade students.

Orthodox Easter

We were going to visit an Orthodox Easter service this year, but their Easter service starts at midnight. Well, really, their Holy Week Celebration is all week long, and the midnight Easter vigil is the height of it.

In talking about how to virtually visit and all that, I asked, "Why is the Orthodox church so weird?" My husband replied with a sentiment Rod Dreher has written about, "Maybe it is because Christianity is supposed to be weird."

I have been thinking about that comment since then. So much of practical Christianity is socially acceptable. Being nice to each other, serving others, giving money, forming a community, going to church, being religious, and even praying in public doesn't bring social condemnation. People might look at you strangely for they way some of these things could be done, but usually the odd looks will come when we take to praying on the street corners like the Pharisees.

I know that there are aspects of Christianity that are a lot more socially uncomfortable, but those often require personal relationships with people. In the context of relationship, all sorts of oddities are revealed because it is safe to do so.

But what if those oddities were hanging out all over? What if I felt safe enough in God's love for me that it didn't matter if something was weird or not? And what if I decided to make Christ the center of my life, not school or church or family, though they would all be a part of Christ being the center. What would my life look like? Am I ready for that?

Bible App

For a long time, I scorned Bible apps. It was probably a mixture of snobbery (a Bible feels so much weightier than my phone) and aesthetics (I like the feel of thin pages and the sound of them shuffling), but one of my students said that she had this Bible app that really helped her remember to read the Bible and pray every day. I had been struggling with exactly that issue, so it felt like I should probably take note of what she was saying, so I got the Bible app. It has Bible reading plans with devotionals that have been somewhat helpful, but the biggest help has been the daily verse sent to me minutes after my alarm goes off.

Yesterday's verse was Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." It got stuck in my head in the phrases of a song that I can't quite remember. I kept thinking about how any good that I am is God's goodness reflected, but that is truest part of me.

And this mornings verse was Galatians 5:1 "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." Having yesterday's verse still floating through my head, the silliness of the claims of sin shocked me. Why would I do anything but live out of Christ's freedom knowing that it is death and slavery?

But I do. Pretty regularly. I am so wrapped up in what pleases me, what is comfortable, what feels right, what I want, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, that I don't even notice half the time. I think this has been made all the more apparent because I feel that many of my assumptions about life have been recently challenged by our current situation.

So I am questioning (again) what does living for Jesus really look like in this moment? And I am getting the same answer, just take the next step in faith.

Do not worry about tomorrow. Love God and love others. Oh, and by the way, tell stories.

So much noise

Our family has this problem with noise. We only like the noise we are personally making. So the boys regularly yell at each other, "you are being too loud." They had trouble with their classmates because "They are too loud. They never stop talking." That is exactly how I have been feeling everyday while we are schooling at home. "They never stop talking or making noise while they are working!" However, I stand at the bottom of the steps and holler up to the attic, but then tell them to talk quieter when they come down to the kitchen. My husband does not like when we yell or communicate with hollers up and down the steps, but he plays music nice and loud.

I didn't realize the commonality of this problem until yesterday when I was trying to work and the boys were loudly emptying the dishwasher. I told them to work a little quieter; they were right next to each other; they didn't need to yell. They got quieter for two seconds, but then started yelling happily again. I sent them outside to yell. Shortly later, Thomas turned off his music when he walked to the post office. The washing machine stopped thumping. Suddenly I realized, the house was quiet. Even though it was not accurate, it felt like that was the first time the house was quiet all day long.

It got me thinking that it isn't really a noise problem after all. We like noise. We like quiet. The problem is a lot more subtle. We like our noise. We like our quiet. We like ourselves to be able to determine our environment. And the solution to the problem isn't set times or places for noise and quiet, but the solution to so many problems: Love.

100 Words Quarantine Edition

I have felt that something is missing from my life.

Some days, sanity is the missing piece. I flit from one thing to another, barely surviving, but somehow making it through another day.

Other days, I am convinced that a routine would solve the problems. If I got up at the same time, went to bed at the same time, if my boys had fits at the same time everyday... then I could prepare adequately and all would be well.

Still other days it is socialization. I actually do miss people. I miss their perspectives interrupting to my endless inner narrative. Being lost in my story world or listening to my inner critic can be exhausting, but I never think of calling people.

So what is really missing? I haven't the slightest idea, but I thought maybe if I write my thoughts down I can find it. Maybe it is nothing but that perpetual nagging that the world is changing before my eyes, but I am too busy to notice or too blind to be thankful. Maybe if I open my eyes and pause long enough to write 100 words every day, it will be enough. Maybe.

I made this today from a photo I shot on a walk recently.