A rock is beaten by ocean waves, little bits broken off with each encounter, worn down but covered with cracks. The waves are gentle sometimes, but they still wear down the rock. The hard waves sometimes break off huge chunks. But the rock doesn't move. It doesn't go to another place. It just sits there, letting the waves wear it down, as if it knows that anywhere it goes something will be there to break it or crush it or wear it down.
But some of the most beautiful sea coasts are made from these broken pieces of rock. Not only as it turns into sand, but also the rocky beaches where the waves crash and foam. By this constant beating, beautiful things are made, things that people appreciate and enjoy. Would I really rather it any other way?
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
New Haircut Again and Voice Lesson
I got my hair cut again. It is the shortest yet. It didn't turn out quite like I envisioned it, but I still like it. I tried taking a picture with Photobooth, but I look terrible this morning... red eyes, messy hair, tired smile... so bad I didn't want to try any more. It doesn't help that I haven't put in my contacts yet because my eyes were tired of them, so maybe I will try again later.
Thomas got his hair cut too. He looks really good. So classy. It is amazing how much younger he looks when he trims his beard and gets a hair cut. But I think he is such a handsome guy anyway. And he has a really sweet singing voice.
We have both begun taking voice lessons. I have had about four and he has had two now. I love it. It has made me more conscious of singing regularly and more confident about singing on my own. Just the thing I need for teaching music to K-8th graders. I also just realized that I do what I don't want my actors to do. I direct myself, rather than letting my teacher hear and teach me. I have this nasty break in my voice between my upper and lower registers. When I am singing, I back off through that break so nobody can hear it. If I feel like I will not be able to make a nice sound, I just sing quieter. My teacher is showing me though, that if support that sound and don't pull back, my voice doesn't do anything crazy like crack or squeak, but smoothly transitions between the registers.
She is a really good teacher too. She is full of positive criticism. She is good a improvising exercises that will suit my voice. And she uses visual images to describe thought processes. Like when I am singing over that break, she told me to imagine my bellybutton connected to my uvula connected to the tip of my head and the sound just slides up. Amazingly, however weird that sounds, it works. and when I come down, I picture little hills that I have to come down, but there is always another peak to go back up.
We also talked about what to do with hands while singing. They are supposed to be by my sides so now I have to practice not holding them in front of me so I don't look like I am one of the children from Sound of Music. My shoulders tend to tighten up when I let them hang, so I am working on relaxing my shoulders, thinking about little hills, memorizing the words...
My teacher says that singing is 90% mental work. I would have to agree, but I still sing best when I just let it come out of me and don't think about it too much. Once again a balance between relaxing and control. What good lessons for me to learn.
Thomas is taking lessons too. He has an amazing range and such a gentle voice. It is absolutely gorgeous. And the song he is learning is called Homeward Bound. It is about being free to wander but always coming home. When I hear him sing it, I get warm fuzzies all over. And as much as I like listening to the trained voices of Il Divo, I would rather listen to my man.
This is tending toward a long post so I will mention one more thing. I am trying to design a Cheshire Cat Costume. But it can't be too classy or purple at all or just a pair of pajamas. And what to do about his face? Mask? Make-up? How do you get a smile all the time? Any suggestions are welcome.
Thomas got his hair cut too. He looks really good. So classy. It is amazing how much younger he looks when he trims his beard and gets a hair cut. But I think he is such a handsome guy anyway. And he has a really sweet singing voice.
We have both begun taking voice lessons. I have had about four and he has had two now. I love it. It has made me more conscious of singing regularly and more confident about singing on my own. Just the thing I need for teaching music to K-8th graders. I also just realized that I do what I don't want my actors to do. I direct myself, rather than letting my teacher hear and teach me. I have this nasty break in my voice between my upper and lower registers. When I am singing, I back off through that break so nobody can hear it. If I feel like I will not be able to make a nice sound, I just sing quieter. My teacher is showing me though, that if support that sound and don't pull back, my voice doesn't do anything crazy like crack or squeak, but smoothly transitions between the registers.
She is a really good teacher too. She is full of positive criticism. She is good a improvising exercises that will suit my voice. And she uses visual images to describe thought processes. Like when I am singing over that break, she told me to imagine my bellybutton connected to my uvula connected to the tip of my head and the sound just slides up. Amazingly, however weird that sounds, it works. and when I come down, I picture little hills that I have to come down, but there is always another peak to go back up.
We also talked about what to do with hands while singing. They are supposed to be by my sides so now I have to practice not holding them in front of me so I don't look like I am one of the children from Sound of Music. My shoulders tend to tighten up when I let them hang, so I am working on relaxing my shoulders, thinking about little hills, memorizing the words...
My teacher says that singing is 90% mental work. I would have to agree, but I still sing best when I just let it come out of me and don't think about it too much. Once again a balance between relaxing and control. What good lessons for me to learn.
Thomas is taking lessons too. He has an amazing range and such a gentle voice. It is absolutely gorgeous. And the song he is learning is called Homeward Bound. It is about being free to wander but always coming home. When I hear him sing it, I get warm fuzzies all over. And as much as I like listening to the trained voices of Il Divo, I would rather listen to my man.
This is tending toward a long post so I will mention one more thing. I am trying to design a Cheshire Cat Costume. But it can't be too classy or purple at all or just a pair of pajamas. And what to do about his face? Mask? Make-up? How do you get a smile all the time? Any suggestions are welcome.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Sleep and Rest
I like being able to sleep at night. However, last night was one of those nights when I didn't get to very much. I woke up around 3 and didn't really fall back asleep until after I got up and showered at 6. It is now around 1:00 in the afternoon and I am beginning to feel a nap coming on. Unfortunately, I can't because I need to plan a drama rehearsal/orientation/get-to-know-you time for this afternoon. We were going to read some of the play, but I don't think the scripts have come in yet. If they have, we might read some of it... maybe. I might just save that for tomorrow.
I am very excited about this play. I am writing this now, because in a month I will probably need to hear/read it. There are a lot of young cast members, but I think they can do it. Scheduling was absolutely crazy, and I have a terrible feeling I forgot something or we won't have enough time or all the little details will fall through the cracks. And I don't know how I will keep up with Latin and the play and music class. When I think about it, it doesn't seem like a lot and I should just be able to breeze through everything, but it doesn't work that way in real life. Things take a lot longer than they should, I get distracted, problems come up, others fall through on their end, etc.
People have been asking me what I have been doing in all my spare time - now that I am not teaching Kindergarten. Well, reading BBC news, studying Latin, reading, washing dishes, making up stories and sometimes staring off in to nowhere seems to fill up my time pretty well. But the nice thing is that I am not terribly stressed about it all. In fact, I was just noticing how smoothly my current life is going. And I am really thankful to God for that. However, I am also noticing that because everything is going easily, I am getting a little slack at seeking him and listening to him.
It strikes me that the prayer in the Proverbs 30:7-9 has lots of significance besides wealth.
He is praying that God would keep him in a place where he has to trust Him. And that his response to all things would be humble honesty. I want that too. But sometimes I am too afraid to ask God this because I know he will answer me. It is hard to be in a place where I must constantly rely on God because then I am must acknowledge I have no control over what happens, only what I do. And I must take responsibility for that. It would seem to be so much easier if I could be in control of it all, or in control of nothing. But as it is, God is control of it all, and I am in control of my response to it. This balancing act of trusting God is good for me, but I am scared to step out onto the wire.
It is kind of funny then that the safest place for me is one where I am most scared.
I am very excited about this play. I am writing this now, because in a month I will probably need to hear/read it. There are a lot of young cast members, but I think they can do it. Scheduling was absolutely crazy, and I have a terrible feeling I forgot something or we won't have enough time or all the little details will fall through the cracks. And I don't know how I will keep up with Latin and the play and music class. When I think about it, it doesn't seem like a lot and I should just be able to breeze through everything, but it doesn't work that way in real life. Things take a lot longer than they should, I get distracted, problems come up, others fall through on their end, etc.
People have been asking me what I have been doing in all my spare time - now that I am not teaching Kindergarten. Well, reading BBC news, studying Latin, reading, washing dishes, making up stories and sometimes staring off in to nowhere seems to fill up my time pretty well. But the nice thing is that I am not terribly stressed about it all. In fact, I was just noticing how smoothly my current life is going. And I am really thankful to God for that. However, I am also noticing that because everything is going easily, I am getting a little slack at seeking him and listening to him.
It strikes me that the prayer in the Proverbs 30:7-9 has lots of significance besides wealth.
Two things I ask of you;
deny them not to me before I die:
Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
give me neither poverty nor riches;
feed me with the food that is needful for me,
lest I be full and deny you
and say, Who is the LORD?
or lest I be poor and steal
and profane the name of my God.
He is praying that God would keep him in a place where he has to trust Him. And that his response to all things would be humble honesty. I want that too. But sometimes I am too afraid to ask God this because I know he will answer me. It is hard to be in a place where I must constantly rely on God because then I am must acknowledge I have no control over what happens, only what I do. And I must take responsibility for that. It would seem to be so much easier if I could be in control of it all, or in control of nothing. But as it is, God is control of it all, and I am in control of my response to it. This balancing act of trusting God is good for me, but I am scared to step out onto the wire.
It is kind of funny then that the safest place for me is one where I am most scared.
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
Inconsistency
Sometimes I get all worked up because life isn't consistent. People are consistent. Nothing every follows the rules and there are exceptions to most rules.
Then I realize that I am really upset at myself because I am not consistent.
Like tonight. I was ranting because the reformed church seems to focus so much on the law and getting things right and not really paying attention to what separated them from the Roman Catholic Church in the first place - salvation through faith alone.
Then I realized that in my rant, I was focusing on the "law of how things ought to be", and not extending the grace and love that I wanted the church to emulate.
So guess what? Life is messed up. People aren't perfect and even the Body of Christ will let you down. The focus is always out of focus and rarely can anyone see clearly.
But into that messed up world, Jesus came. He "broke rules" of nature, of the order of things, of how things "ought to be." Think of it, "a virgin shall be with child," "the blind shall see, the lame walk," and "the dead shall rise again." He talked and played with children. He cleared out the temple. He spoke to a Samaritan woman. And He was perfect, did nothing wrong, but died as a thief and liar.
And in that messed up world, Jesus loved. And it was his love that broke the boundaries. That love clarified what ought to be and separated it from what people thought it ought to be. His love showed us that inconsistencies in life are opportunities to love.
Then I realize that I am really upset at myself because I am not consistent.
Like tonight. I was ranting because the reformed church seems to focus so much on the law and getting things right and not really paying attention to what separated them from the Roman Catholic Church in the first place - salvation through faith alone.
Then I realized that in my rant, I was focusing on the "law of how things ought to be", and not extending the grace and love that I wanted the church to emulate.
So guess what? Life is messed up. People aren't perfect and even the Body of Christ will let you down. The focus is always out of focus and rarely can anyone see clearly.
But into that messed up world, Jesus came. He "broke rules" of nature, of the order of things, of how things "ought to be." Think of it, "a virgin shall be with child," "the blind shall see, the lame walk," and "the dead shall rise again." He talked and played with children. He cleared out the temple. He spoke to a Samaritan woman. And He was perfect, did nothing wrong, but died as a thief and liar.
And in that messed up world, Jesus loved. And it was his love that broke the boundaries. That love clarified what ought to be and separated it from what people thought it ought to be. His love showed us that inconsistencies in life are opportunities to love.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
First Day of School
Although it was the fifth day of school for the students I was teaching, it was my first day. I discovered that I am probably a very boring teacher. It was very disheartening to teach 5-8 grade anything. They just stared at me like I was from a different planet or didn't make any sense.
However, now I know better what they know, so I can make my lesson plans a little more enjoyable and exciting - hopefully at least.
However, now I know better what they know, so I can make my lesson plans a little more enjoyable and exciting - hopefully at least.
Friday, September 04, 2009
Not on Quaratine
Yippee! Hooray!
And I feel so much better. I still have this horrible cough, but I didn't wake up coughing last night. I just woke up at 5:00 for some silly reason. Maybe my body feels guilty for not being at school. I am looking forward to seeing people now. My friend down the street has been a wonderful encouragement this week. I praise God for her again and again.
I love you, MM. :-)
And I feel so much better. I still have this horrible cough, but I didn't wake up coughing last night. I just woke up at 5:00 for some silly reason. Maybe my body feels guilty for not being at school. I am looking forward to seeing people now. My friend down the street has been a wonderful encouragement this week. I praise God for her again and again.
I love you, MM. :-)
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Sickness and other thoughts
I am sick, but no, I am not pregnant, which always seems to be the next question. In fact, the type of sick that I am is not related to an upset stomach at all. It has been a nasty chest cold. I am still coughing and my nose is runny, but I feel much better than I did last weekend.
Every time I get sick I am reminded how thankful that I am not sick more often, that I don't have worse allergy or asthma problem, that it isn't nearly as bad as the first year of marriage. But this time I have also been thinking about how my sickness reminds me how sweet my husband is. He has made dinner a few times, gone shopping for me, cleaned the bathroom, and sat in the same room as me, even though we weren't talking or anything. We are being as careful as we can about sharing germs, but that means we get to spend more time talking and listening to one another. It has made me appreciate him so much more.
Being sick has also kept me away from school. It hasn't quite sunk in that school has started without me. My first day is still coming, and I am looking forward to it. I am also more prepared than I was for last Tuesday, when my school started. It has also given me an opportunity to spend time getting ready for the play. Auditions are on Tuesday and Thursday. Then the craziness begins. I can hardly wait.
Every time I get sick I am reminded how thankful that I am not sick more often, that I don't have worse allergy or asthma problem, that it isn't nearly as bad as the first year of marriage. But this time I have also been thinking about how my sickness reminds me how sweet my husband is. He has made dinner a few times, gone shopping for me, cleaned the bathroom, and sat in the same room as me, even though we weren't talking or anything. We are being as careful as we can about sharing germs, but that means we get to spend more time talking and listening to one another. It has made me appreciate him so much more.
Being sick has also kept me away from school. It hasn't quite sunk in that school has started without me. My first day is still coming, and I am looking forward to it. I am also more prepared than I was for last Tuesday, when my school started. It has also given me an opportunity to spend time getting ready for the play. Auditions are on Tuesday and Thursday. Then the craziness begins. I can hardly wait.
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