Sleep and Rest

I like being able to sleep at night. However, last night was one of those nights when I didn't get to very much. I woke up around 3 and didn't really fall back asleep until after I got up and showered at 6. It is now around 1:00 in the afternoon and I am beginning to feel a nap coming on. Unfortunately, I can't because I need to plan a drama rehearsal/orientation/get-to-know-you time for this afternoon. We were going to read some of the play, but I don't think the scripts have come in yet. If they have, we might read some of it... maybe. I might just save that for tomorrow.

I am very excited about this play. I am writing this now, because in a month I will probably need to hear/read it. There are a lot of young cast members, but I think they can do it. Scheduling was absolutely crazy, and I have a terrible feeling I forgot something or we won't have enough time or all the little details will fall through the cracks. And I don't know how I will keep up with Latin and the play and music class. When I think about it, it doesn't seem like a lot and I should just be able to breeze through everything, but it doesn't work that way in real life. Things take a lot longer than they should, I get distracted, problems come up, others fall through on their end, etc.

People have been asking me what I have been doing in all my spare time - now that I am not teaching Kindergarten. Well, reading BBC news, studying Latin, reading, washing dishes, making up stories and sometimes staring off in to nowhere seems to fill up my time pretty well. But the nice thing is that I am not terribly stressed about it all. In fact, I was just noticing how smoothly my current life is going. And I am really thankful to God for that. However, I am also noticing that because everything is going easily, I am getting a little slack at seeking him and listening to him.

It strikes me that the prayer in the Proverbs 30:7-9 has lots of significance besides wealth.

Two things I ask of you;
deny them not to me before I die:
Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
give me neither poverty nor riches;
feed me with the food that is needful for me,
lest I be full and deny you
and say, Who is the LORD?
or lest I be poor and steal
and profane the name of my God.

He is praying that God would keep him in a place where he has to trust Him. And that his response to all things would be humble honesty. I want that too. But sometimes I am too afraid to ask God this because I know he will answer me. It is hard to be in a place where I must constantly rely on God because then I am must acknowledge I have no control over what happens, only what I do. And I must take responsibility for that. It would seem to be so much easier if I could be in control of it all, or in control of nothing. But as it is, God is control of it all, and I am in control of my response to it. This balancing act of trusting God is good for me, but I am scared to step out onto the wire.

It is kind of funny then that the safest place for me is one where I am most scared.