Autumn Rain

It is definitely autumn here. The leaves are changing and it is rainy.

While inside, life is crazy. Boys are bouncing off the walls; I can't seem to get anything completed; my counters are cluttered; my floors need to be vacuumed or mopped. I'm tired, exasperated, and just want a break.

But when I go outside, something happens. I love autumn. I love the wet leaf smell. I love the wet road sound. Some beautiful part of my mind that stays asleep all the rest of the year awakens at this time of year. Colors are brighter. Joy, not of the exuberant sort, but of the quiet peaceful sort, fills me.

Am I crazy or out of the ordinary? At this time of year, it sometimes seems like everyone is dreading the upcoming winter, but I am excited by the changing seasons. So much is about death and dying, but a part of me is coming to life. There is talk of cozying up and settling in, and yet I want to go adventuring.

Spring rain is pretty. Summer rain turns into oppressive heat. But Autumn Rain... ah, Autumn rain waters my soul.

Rambling Thoughts on Getting Stuff Done

I've been on a sewing spree. My creative juices have loved it. My kitchen suffered a bit, and I think, so did the boys, but at times it felt the only way to survive having no car and colds. But it was fun. I made a tent for Eamon's birthday, some superhero masks, some curtains, as well as a few alterations and little projects.

It got me thinking about how creative juices feed other creative juices. When I blog regularly, I think of more things to write about. When I sew regularly, I think of more projects. But sometimes there are odd overlaps. Like this sewing spree was fed by working on my drama curriculum. But the drama curriculum has stagnated because my creative juices were being used elsewhere. And I haven't been able to think about writing anything on my blog because whenever I sit down at my computer I think about how I need to write my Sunday School lessons and my Drama Class lessons, but then I end up watching YouTube videos because I was looking for something to show my drama class and got distracted, or was looking up songs for Sunday School, but saw one of my favorite a cappella artists had a new music video.

So I have some adorable superheroes running around my house. My neighbor has some cute curtains for her daughters' room. My sister has a birthday present that needs to be packed and mailed... But lesson plans are being done the night before being taught.

It makes me frustrated that everything is a trade-off. I can being creatively productive, but then other things get neglected. I can spend some really great time having "school" with the boys for a few days, but then the house gets neglected. I can keep my house clean, but then my hands are sore and cracked. I keep thinking that maybe if I get really organized, everything will get done, but I know that is just silly. There is too much to do, too much to learn, too much to make, too much think about to be able to do it all. But if I do the next thing, at least the next thing will get done. And I have to leave the rest that I want to do in the hands of God, and trust that he will help me choose the best next thing to do.

Drama Class

This year, instead of directing a fall play, I am teaching a theater overview class. We are covering things that I just don't get to talk about with my drama kids... things like how to write down blocking, how to develop a character, and the importance of listening, as well as introducing them to the backstage stuff. But in the process of preparing and teaching, I am learning lots.

My "tips for theater and life" for the next class I have found especially applicable for life.

• Don’t be afraid of making mistakes or not getting it right 
• Be in the moment - not in your head; don’t analyze your performance while you are performing. 
• Don’t worry about what people think of you. 
• Focus, not on your performance, but on the moment.

When an actor worries about getting things right, they are not able to take the risk of listening to other. They are not able to trust their fellow actors or sometimes even the director. The director can make a safe place where there isn't a right way to portray a character, which will then free creativity and allow for listening and working together.

And when a mother is afraid of making mistakes or not getting it right, she is not able to take the risk of listening to her children. She isn't able to think of creative solutions or even see what are the issues that need to be addressed. But when she creates a place where mistakes are possible, forgiveness is taught, and love can be given and accepted, besides life can be a lot more fun.

The other tips are other ways of wording the same thing, with slightly different emphases. Being in the moment as mother, lets me deal with a situation without overanalyzing it while it is happening. I can think about if it was a good way of handling it later. And it allows me to step out of my "chore-focused brain" and focus on the needs of my children while dealing with an issue, rather than seeing their issues as interruptions from what I need to get done. Finding focus for each moment is also helpful to remember. I need uninterrupted moments just to keep my sanity, but I can find those interruptions easier when I focus on something other than the distractions that surround me, or when I use those distractions to help me focus on the moment (another acting technique). Not worrying about what other think of me as a mother seems obvious, but how often do I wondering what .... would think if they could see me parenting. It completely ruins my ability to effectively communicate!

All these things remind me that I, and my performance, are not the center of the world. I don't have to control my children, but instead free them to listen and respond. I don't have to control what others think of me because I am already loved and accepted by Christ. And my life is a gift - a gift from God, so I can give to others, which means I can be filled with thanksgiving, rather than criticism, stress, and self-doubt.

There are more things that I am learning, but they will be covered in other classes.