Calling

 We went to a Homeschool Hangout at the public library. There were six families. Two of the other moms are my friends from times before kids; one more was a friend of one my friends. I talked to the other two moms, asked their names, and a few homeschooling small talk questions like, "What is your favorite curriculum?" I enjoyed making connections, even though I felt like I never moved beyond the "networking" phase.

When it was over, we went to the children's area and there were some of the students from ICS, our local Christian school, where I worked four years ago. I had worked with several of them in the last two plays I was involved in. They greeted me enthusiastically, which was wonderful. They also greeted the two new mothers that I met equally enthusiastically. Those two homeschool moms had also taught at ICS; one had been the grammar teacher, the other was the Spanish teacher. It was delightful to see the surprise on our students faces that we were all together. And it was fun to make connections with these teachers who I had heard of, but never met! It was lovely.

Then I got to help a student think about a paper topic. I asked him some questions, didn't let him get away with, "I don't know," gave suggestions, read his reactions, gave other suggestions in the form of questions like, "do you know about the origins of your interest? What do you know? What don't you know?" It took about five minutes, but by the time he had to leave, he had the beginnings of a topic. And I had a reminder of why I love teaching.

I was so happy when we left the library. So of course, I analyzed it. I was happy because I used my skills and talents to make connections, between people and between topics. I was happy because I got to see my friends. I was happy because I got to talk with kids, and I love talking with kids.

Then the great debate that has been going round in my head since I started homeschooling began, yet again. Would I better serve God and the world by going back to being a teacher? I would have more influence, help more kids, point more people to Jesus, right? But what about my family? Would they thrive in that environment? Or would it be survival, like it was before?

That night, I distracted myself from that inner debate by scrolling Instagram. One of the suggested posts was of a woman who wanted to serve God by helping the poor. She finally got to go on a mission trip, and on that trip she met Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa told her that she is helping the world the most by being a mother, and to never doubt God's calling to that roll. The story resonated with my feelings and reasoning, but it was also affirming of the choice that we have made to home school. 

I don't know what the future may hold. Maybe someday I'll go back to school. Maybe not. But each time the debate begins in my head again, I am reminded to come back to God and let him define me and my role in the world, not my daydreams and expectations.