So it has been a bit difficult recently

I am not sure I am actually ready to talk or write about this, but the past several months have been really difficult. It started with one of my 4 year old Sunday School girls dying suddenly. Since then, two ladies in our church died of strokes. Two fathers of friends died. Other acquaintances... Dave Swift... And now there are two more expected deaths. So much death and dying and suffering and grieving.

Some days have been really hard. I have wanted to escape into my story land and not deal with life. I have wanted to avoid human interactions because they only reminded me of the ones I will never have. Grief has been expressed in cynicism and accusations. Although only a few of those who died were close to me, the cumulative effect has been overwhelming at times.

But God is with us even in the darkest times. He shows us little things to remind us that he is there... maybe a hug, maybe the sun shining in windows, maybe a smile, maybe an hour or two off, maybe a poem...

One of the poems in my touring program is by John Donne.

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee

Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;

For those whom thou thinkst thou dost overthrow

Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.

From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,

Much pleasure—then, from thee much more must flow;

And soonest our best men with thee do go,

Rest of their bones and soul’s delivery.

Thou’rt slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,

And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell;

And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well,

And better than thy stroke. Why swellest thou then?

One short sleep past, we wake eternally,

And death shall be no more. Death, thou shalt die.

Last Thursday, I worked with the young man who is going to be saying it. The first time he read it, I felt he got it. We talked through it and worked on the delivery. When he left, my heart was singing. Part of it was because he did a great job. Part of it was that I got it too. My heart woke up from its darkness, and defied death. Although I have felt surrounded by brokenness, death shall die, and all the deformities that it leaves behind shall be restored. 

We wait in hope.