Saying No

One of the decisions that Thomas and I made was for me to not direct the school play. I had been anticipating directing, searching for a play, beginning to build a team, and getting a bit excited. But Malcolm is not ready to be away from me for three days a week. Eamon was the same way a few years ago, and he grew out of it, so I am not concerned about Malcolm. Instead, it has given me the chance to say, "No" to myself and "Yes" to him.

Interestingly, since we made that decision, there have been so many confirmations that it was the right one. Encouragement from my parents, understanding from my friends, and even random articles I encounter have been about the freedom in saying "No." But there was also the day when I was away, during the hours I would have directed. When I got home, I was exhausted. We wouldn't have had supper if Thomas hadn't taken us out to eat. I could hardly function. Then there was the day that we had extra people in our house. That night both boys woke up several times, wanting to know I was there and wasn't going to leave.

It has also freed me to pursue other areas of creativity and study. I started tutoring a student in Latin. I have almost finished a meditative book. I have another book about business that I started and has shown me how much I have to learn. I have been researching a lot of Sunday School things. And I have an idea to get back into reading Educational Philosophy again. I also have sewn two masks/coifs that I have designed from scratch.

I see now, that the gifts that I use when I direct are being used in other places. The organization and administration is being used and developed as I do work for the Board of ICS and as Sunday School Superintendent. The way I love to listen to people and make them feel comfortable talking is really helping as I conduct interviews, make phone calls, and write emails to all sorts of people. My love to create things that I see in my head shows as I take the time to sit and sew while my boys play and as I prepare for "school" with the boys.

Saying "No" to directing the play was hard. Really hard. I love theater and directing and my students. But it is so encouraging to see God using that hard choice to free me to better love him, my family, my church, and even my students in new ways. And this isn't a "No" to theater forever. Just a "Yes" to my family's current needs.