The "Mommy" Network

This morning, Dad called to see if I knew where my sister-in-law was. Thomas answered the phone and replied that we had not heard from her. A few hours later, Dad called again. My sister-in-law was still missing. Immediately my mind went to all the terrible possibilities, but I kept thinking that if she were in trouble she would have called. So I began to think, if she was in trouble and couldn't reach my parents, who would she call?

This reminded me of a beautiful network of relationships. I have talked and thought a lot about community, and I see so many flaws with the communities I live in. But perhaps I have been thinking incorrectly about such things. "Community" might not look the way I think it ought to, and it might not be perfect, but it can still work (provide support, safety, friendship, etc).

This is what I saw. I cannot be close friends with everyone, but I do have some close friends. I also have friends that might not be "bosom friends" but are really dear and wonderful friends; then there are the good friends, and other friends, and so. Those are my layers of friendship, which it is ok to have. Even Jesus had levels of friendship. And that isn't really anything new. The realization came when I pictures my friends having levels of friendships with other people. So my friends have other close friends that I know, but I am not necessarily on the same level of friendship. Those friends have other friends and so on. So there are these overlapping circles of friendship that connect people all over the place.

For so long I have thought that in a good community, everyone should be involved in every other's person's lives. Everyone should be on the same level of friendship, that that is really good friends. The only layers of friendship are God first, Family next, then everyone else. So to build communities, each of us needs to reach out/be vulnerable to other people in our community. If we can't do this, or we fail to do this, we are hindering the community from operating as it should. I then find myself thinking things like, "Since I am not very good at reaching out or being vulnerable, I am a hindrance to the community;" and "I shouldn't find fault with communities, when I am the biggest problem because I am not doing my part."

Today, this new mental image placed a different perspective, and a more reasonable goal for communities, and my interaction with them. Perhaps instead of trying to be close friends with lots of people,  I should focus on strengthening the ties that are already there, and encourage them to do the same. I am not saying to not make more friends or to be deliberate about serving and strengthening others, but rather that we should not confuse friendship with service. And we should not be afraid of telling our friends who our friends are, ie. who we are talking to.

Back to this morning's story, someone mentioned she had talked to my sister-in-law the day before, so I called her to see if she knew anything. She didn't. Then I thought of a lady who my sister-in-law has mentioned talking on the phone with many times.  I called her, and my sister-in-law was over at her house for the day. She was not in trouble; she just had some pregnancy brain. Our missing person was found, simple as that, due to this network connection of young mothers - listening closely, remembering, and making phone calls.

It was quite freeing to know that I don't have to be friends with everyone. It allows me to be better friends with the ones I already have, and to let friendships grow naturally at this stage of my life. There may be times when I need to more actively pursue people and friendships, but that is not where I am right now. I can build community by encouraging the Mommy Network to work - to listen, to share daily events, to remember, and to make phone calls.