Christmas Musings

I recently realized that I share a lot about the things I am thinking about, and the happy things I experience, but I hide most of my painful thoughts and experiences. I don't want to convey the idea that I am miserable all the time, so I have to act happy, even when I don't feel it. I don't want anyone to know how much pain I feel because I am afraid - afraid that they will be afraid of hurting me - so I have to act strong.

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It has been hard to think about Christmas this year.

I hear the angel say, "Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God," and I think "Some favor...putting the girl through rejection, near divorce, and ruin her reputation."
I think of the baby in the manger and wonder did she know that the pain she just endured would be nothing to the pain he would bring her until the day he died.
But then I remember the children that Herod killed trying to get baby Jesus, and I think, Maybe that part of the story was put in for women like me.

A voice was heard in Ramah,
weeping and loud lamentation,
Rachel weeping for her children;
she refused to be comforted, because they are no more.

I am not Mary this year; I am Rachel. And I have a place in the story too. I am the part that reminds the reader that the story isn't done yet. And I am the women at the tomb. We all join together in the loneliness of mourning, refusing to be comforted because the ones we love are no more.

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An angel speaks to these women too. He says "Do not be afraid, He is risen, just as he said. Go and tell his disciples..." Do not be afraid! They are the same words he spoke to Mary. And he gave a command. My command is not a passive command, like Mary's; mine is a call to action. Go and tell.

You know the funny thing? My response can be the same as Mary. She knew what having a baby out of wedlock would mean for her. She understood that she would undergo hardship and pain because of this request of the Lord. And she still responded, "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word."  And when she saw the shepherds, she "treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart."

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This is my favorite part of the story. And again the angel says, "Don't be afraid."

And the angel said to them, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger."

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!"