Trying to Tie Security Thoughts Together

While I was sitting in an emergency waiting room for hours, waiting for them to tell me that my husbands odd chest pains were nothing to be concerned about, I read most of "A Wrinkle in Time" by Madeleine L'Engle.

A few days later, Thomas emailed me an article and recently discovered deleted excerpt from that book.

It got me thinking about security, being right, and love. In the deleted passage, Meg's father says, "[Security] is the greatest evil there is...This sick longing for security is a dangerous thing...Maybe this lust for security is like a disease germ that it has let loose in the land..."

The article, by Jenifer Maloney, quotes L'Engle's granddaughter, Charlotte Jones Voiklis.

Ms. Voiklis said she wanted readers to know the book wasn’t a simple allegory of communism. Instead, it’s about the risk of any country—including a democracy—placing too much value on security. The tension between safety and personal freedom is an idea that resonates in today’s politics.
“It’s normal to be afraid,” said Ms. Voiklis, who manages her late grandmother’s estate full-time in New York. “But you can’t let the fear control your decisions. Otherwise, you risk becoming like Camazotz.”

But what if the security that we value isn't just physical comfort and predictability? What about being secure in our thoughts and beliefs? Surely, that isn't a bad thing, is it? Going back to Meg's conversation with her father, security, or knowing what is going to happen, doesn't seem like a bad thing at first, but when that security becomes the foundation or the focus, we are heading into danger. So knowing what we believe doesn't have to be a bad thing, but when it is what we base everything our answers being right, or the "right answers" are what we are constantly seeking, we might be in a dangerous place.

Very practically, humans seem to have a hard time recognizing that the way they are accustomed to doing things might not be the best or only way to do things. Whether it is the issue of church worship styles or parenting or the roles of men and women, we are very bad at accepting things as not black and white and that there might be more than one right answer. But security is so sneaky, sometimes we don't realize how much we value security until our answers are shook up. I didn't realize how much I found security in knowing theological answers to everything until my theology couldn't satisfy my questions. I was so secure in having the answers, when those answers didn't work, my entire world was shaken. And it happens on a daily basis when I am going through all my parenting advice and procedures, security becomes very seductive.

If I could just be sure that I was parenting in the best way... If I could just be sure that I was in the right church... or being involved in the right activities... If I could just be sure! I want to be secure in know that my choices are right and the best and everything will turn out beautifully. But I don't have that security, and I am learning to not want that security.

When we are secure, we have no need for faith. But when we are insecure, fear is our companion. We don't like feeling afraid, so we have this lust for security. So what we need is to be insecure with out the fear, or secure without the lust for it? How can we be secure and insecure at the same time?

Today's New Testament reading brought some things into perspective. "God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

In the story, Meg wants to be secure. She wants her father to come home and make everything right. But more than the security that her father can provide, she loves her father, and she is willing to face insecurity because of love. But that insecurity doesn't lead to fear; it leads through fear. That's what love does. It gives us the security to be insecure. I don't have to know all the answers, because I am loved. I don't have to get it right, because I am loved. And because I am loved, I can give others the security to disagree with me and not be threatened or threatening.

The tricky thing is that accepting that type of love feels very insecure. So I must choose between the insecurity not knowing what will happen, but trying to be in control of it; or insecurity not knowing what will happen, but trusting that in the right time I will know all that I need to know because a loving God is with me and will guide me through my insecurities.