What I need to hear

I need to hear the gospel again.

Today was a crazy day. I didn't really get a break because students didn't do their work, so I had to make sure it got done because I can't fail or fire them from a student newspaper. I had to set up for music classes, give a Latin test, correct books, find a costume, catch a ride, go to a voice lesson, and make supper. I did have a little bit of time between school and voice, so I began reading a book at Thomas' work. And since supper I have had a break. But it was still a crazy day and I feel like I didn't do anything profitable, but merely existed.

Therefore I am dissatisfied with myself, with my world, with my job, with my students, and with my day. I know in my head I did good things. I showed my older students that their work affects others and their lack of work hurts others. And though it inconvenienced me, that doesn't really change the fact that I love them. And it won't change the way I treat them, it just means I am going to insist they do the work, maybe earlier next time. I also gave my younger students hugs and smiled at them and sang to them, even though they were the wiggliest I have ever seen them, and some were about to drive me to distraction. I found a dress that might be able to be altered for a costume sewing project I might take on this month. I spent some good time with Thomas, and I sang freely with my voice teacher.

I know there are no good reasons to be dissatisfied with everything. I know my feelings not based in fact or reason, but probably more in the rain weather and hormones. But I feel them all the same and it is making me grumpy and froggish.

When I was in highschool, Daddy gave me a little essay thing about feeling froggish - like a blob of worthless life. But in fairy tales, frogs get kissed and turned into handsome princes. The writer then asked, "what is the job of the church? To kiss frogs, of course." To find those feeling froggish and remind them of who they really are - who God made them to be. Well today I am the frog and I need those reminders. I need to hear the gospel.

The gospel that states God loves me with a love that is not based on what I do, but on who I am. He loves me because I am his baby girl, his daughter, his precious princess. He loves me in spite of my grumpiness and pouting, and reaches out to me even when I don't want to talk. I am too valuable to him to let myself get in the way of our relationship. How do I know he loves me this much? even when it doesn't feel like love? even when I am grumpy? even when I can't understand?

I know that Jesus loves me, because the Bible tells me how Jesus Christ, God's Son, became a human being like me, but unlike me because he was perfect and did nothing wrong. But he used his perfection, not to make people feel dumb, but to show them what perfect love felt like. Then, before God, he took all the nasty things that people did, and died for them, letting them have his perfection. He took my grumpiness and froggishness and apathy and died for them, letting me stand in perfection. And then he rose again giving me his hope, joy, peace, and love. That's how much he loves me.

And that is what I need to hear, again and again and again.