Sleep is a Beautiful Thing

Sweet sleep, dear friend,
I greet thee again -
Though lately neglected,
'Tis ne'er rejected -
Sweet sleep I greet thee again.

I wrote this back in college before spring break. All I can say now is, "I could use a spring break to catch up on sleep."

Eamon is getting better at sleeping. Most nights he sleeps from 8:30 until 6:00, sometimes even 7:00. Windy nights and Sunday nights, he often wakes up at least once. We hear his little pitter patter of feet coming down to our room and I hear his little voice at my ear, "Mommy? Mommy? Find Nuk" or "Need Animals." He has been sleeping with Tibby the cat, Little Bear, Gold Dragon, Elephant, and George the Monkey, and he brings them all in his arms when he comes to our room. If he drops them, he cannot fall back to sleep until he knows where they all are.

And then there is Malcolm who now wakes up multiple times a night. He wants to eat three times a night, and many nights, if I don't hold him upright on my shoulder for about 15 minutes after he finishes eating, will wake up in a hour with a horrible air bubble that he can't get out until I put him on my shoulder again. If I try to skip a nursing, I get to either stand by his bed patting his back for hours, or get up and down every 15 minutes, so he doesn't wake up Eamon with his crying. If he wakes up Eamon, I will just spend the night on the floor in their room.

Now, I am not asking for sleep tips, because I have read them all and I have tried many of them. And I am not asking for sympathy, because although exhaustion does on occasion lead me to depression or migraines or nausea, I usually cope decently. Each night we pray that God will give us the sleep that we need, and we always get that, just not always the amount we need to flourish. I am writing this to try to bring humor to my current situation.

I keep telling myself, If I could get 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I would be a new woman. My creativity would come back; my memory would come back; my ability to multi-task and pay attention to child conversation, husband conversation, and feed the infant would come back. But it has been months since I have had more than 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep, and right now, even that feels amazing.

To add to the problem, I have been unable to nap on most days. When the boys are asleep, I get a fresh surge of energy that keeps my mind going so that even if I lay down, I don't fall asleep. I just think about all the stuff I could be doing. Coffee is sometimes my friend, but then I wonder if that doesn't make the next night worse because the caffeine is in Malcolm's system. But he is such a bad sleeper I never know is it the caffeine, or is it just him, that is keeping him awake.

When I look in the mirror, I sometimes think of the lady in Mr. Rochester's attic and wonder if I frighten my children like she scared Jane Eyre. So if you see me wandering about looking like that, take me home, tuck me in bed, and let me sleep. If uninterrupted, I much just turn into Sleeping Beauty after a hundred years.