Fathers

1.
I never met my father-in-law, but I am very thankful for him. His wife tells me that his son is a lot like him; similar voices, smiles, and ways of looking at the world. His daughters tell me about his laugh, his hugs, his love. And his son tells me about his songs, his theology, and his love - for God, for all people, and for his family.

Even though I never met him in person, I dreamed about him twice. The first time was early in Thomas and my relationship. I realized he came from more conservative background than I did (and I thought I was fairly conservative) so I worried that I was drawing him away from the values of his family. I was worried that his father wouldn't have liked me very much. But one night, I dreamed of his father. He was laughing and he gave me a hug. I never worried about such things after that.

The second dream was last year, the week after I lost my baby. He was holding the baby and rocking him and singing to him. He looked up and smiled at me. Although I woke up crying, there was also a beautiful peace in picturing his grandpa was taking care of my baby.

So, Happy Father's Day, Thomas' Daddy. I love you.

2.
Daddy and I are the only ones in my family who have brown eyes. Although I wanted blue eyes when I was little, I always loved Daddy's eyes. It wasn't until I was older that I realized why. Daddy's eyes shine love.

Daddy would tell us, "I'm always serious," so all of us kids are "always serious" too. But I don't know how many times around the dinner table we end up laughing until tears are running down our faces.

Daddy would laugh at Keith and I "pooling our ignorance" late into the night, but he also shaped many of those conversations and we were often making Daddy's beliefs our own by putting them in our own words.

During college, I was taught how to be a teacher. I would call Daddy and realize how much I had picked up intuitively and how much I had left to learn. He would help me explain why I disagreed with various philosophies of education, and how to turn the philosophy into practical application. He taught me that the most important part of being a teacher was forming relationships and that the most important thing I could teach a child is that I loved them.

Daddy has helped me understand God as my heavenly Father. If my Daddy loves me this much, wants to see me grow and learn and love, but doesn't base his love on my performance; if he is proud of me when I do well, and sad and helps me try again when I mess up - then how much more does my heavenly Father love me? So I can sing, "I wanna be, I wanna be like my Daddy..."

Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I love you.

3.
Although he hasn't rocked his babies yet, Thomas is a daddy too. With one baby in heaven, and another on the way, he shows the same love and fear that all new daddy's seems to show. I am so excited to see the look on his face when he sees his son for the first time. And when he looks at him as he grows - the looks of love, of frustration, of helplessness... I am so excited to see the look on my son's face as he looks up at his daddy, runs to him when he gets home from work, grins when he has brought home work well done...

Happy Father's Day, Thomas. I love you.