Lent and Life

I have been trying to write about Lent for over a week now, but nothing sounded right and thoughts would not come together. It is frustrating to want to have something to say, but also freeing to know that sometimes silence is better than words.

I was looking forward to Lent until it started. I felt like I needed the challenge of discipline and wanted to get somethings that I have been pushing off back on track. I was coasting, and thought I wanted the rigors of repentance and wanderings.

But things tangentially related to Lent have brought home the meaning of wandering and the emotions of being lost. The repentance and wandering were not the ones I had planned (and therefore had control over) but basic issues of a misplaced identity and physical exhaustion. 

First, I came down with an intestinal issue that seemed to take weeks to recover from. I never felt bad, but it didn't feel quite right either. I am not sure if it or other things (snowplows and garbage trucks) disrupted my sleep, but for about a week, I didn't sleep well either. That week coincided with the week of Ash Wednesday and lots of busyness that kept us out late, and we stayed up later to "recover." 

Then, I said no to an opportunity that made me question my gifting as a teacher and ability to communicate with kids. It was the right decision, but it brought up a lot of uncertainty that I didn't know I was feeling. 

Yet, while all that was going on, I was also aware of God's work in our lives. Homeschool went well, instrument practices took a positive turn, I finished some sewing projects, I washed dishes, I did laundry. I started the next part of my story, got an idea on how to tell another story that has been playing around in my head, and have had several book ideas drop into my head and hands.

This is what Lent is, isn't it? A time of prayer and repentance and seeking God - not a time of controlling my spiritual life. It is a mix of receiving God's blessing and pursuing God's work. But then again, that is what Life is about too. We just get to take special notice of it during this season of the Church calendar. Each season sanctifies the experiences of life - it sets apart normal occurrences, and gives them special meaning. We recognize that interpretation of the event is just as important as the event itself, and sometimes the mundane duties become miraculous. Water becomes wine; wine becomes blood.

So, in honor of wandering, we are eating Dhal over rice tonight. In remembrance of God's blessing, we will eat together.