Young and Free

In the face of so many new things, I often feel young and inexperienced. In my job, I regularly don't know what I am doing. I have so much to learn. I mess up daily and have to try again in a different way. I feel young.

But my body is telling me a different story. I am getting older. I fell on the first week of school and bruised my knee cap. Although the bruise is gone, it gets sore if I run up the stairs or after I go to the gym with the Jr. High. It is  constant reminder that I am not as young as I was.

These thoughts found a resting place when I heard/read last weeks scripture readings. 2 Timothy 1:5-7 says, 

I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

This reminded me of 1 Timothy 4:11-14

Command and teach these things. Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you.

Timothy was young, and seemingly he felt it. With good reason too. His grandmother believed, his mother believed, his mentor was a great missionary - they knew what they were doing. In the face of such age and confidence it is easy to feel young. But Paul encouraged him (and me) not to let that feeling of inexperience keep him/us from using the gift God has given us.

The Spirit that God gives us is power, love, and self-discipline. This fit in nicely with the gospel reading, Luke 17:3-10.

    So watch yourselves. “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” 
    The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” 
    He replied, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you. Suppose one of you has a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Will he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? Won’t he rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? Will he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”

 The focus of this verse is usually faith like a mustard seed, but what is that faith for? It is for forgiveness and obedience. Jesus tells his disciples that they have to forgive others. They don't feel like it but they want what Jesus wants, so they respond, "Increase our faith." But Jesus says it isn't about how much faith you feel like you have. It is about obeying, even when you don't feel like, not expecting blessing for it, but simply because it is what you are supposed to do. This points back to power, love, and self-discipline.

This also turns the way I think about God and my practical theology on its head. (By practical theology, I mean the way I live out my Christian faith, not what I actually believe. I may believe that God is with me all the time, but my practical theology often states that God is only with me when I recognize he is there.) For so long, I have been taught, and I teach, obedience brings blessing. While this is true and I don't want to forget it, I think by emphasizing that I forgot that obedience is my job whether or not I get the blessing. Practically, I focus on getting the blessing - "Ok, I will do this job that I don't like because I know that obedience brings blessing and I will be blessed for simply obeying" - instead of focusing on the obedience - "God has called me to this job. I will do it for him, never mind the consequence."

I live in a entitled world, as if I deserve blessing and comfort and happiness, because I am trying to follow Jesus. Perhaps I should be living like a servant, I live to obey. I live to serve. I live to be exhausted and worn out for my master.

But then as my chapel team helped me prepare for chapel, I found another verse. John 8:34-36, "Jesus replied, 'Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.'"

Here is yet another perspective on obedience. I was slave to sin, now a slave to righteousness (Romans8:18), but also a Son of God (connotations of heir, but also of relationship, duty, and responsibility). I am free to obey God, I am free to serve God, I have all the blessing and power and love to share with anyone because I am a child of God. 

Being a child of God shouldn't fuel entitlement. In some ways that is still poverty mentality - grasping at whatever I can get. Being a child of God means that I have everything I need. I don't need to grasp or hold on any longer. I am free to give and give and give because I have an unending source of all that I need - love, patience, self-discipline. 

I am getting older, but I am still a child of God. May he continue to show me how to use these gifts he has given me.