Peace

I wanted to take the time to feel sorry for myself. The holiday was difficult. Boys weren't sleeping. I had a head cold. I wasn't getting anything done. My house was a wreck. Christmas cards still aren't sent. And someone keeps doing stuff I tell him not to do.

But I couldn't. Thomas had a migraine. My friends kid was scarily sick and in the hospital. My grandmother also went to the hospital. And my brother's family was all sick too. I knew of three families who totaled their cars over the holiday. And a man who was the church pianist I grew up with passed away.

All these people were living in really hard situations. They were far more uncomfortable than I was. I shouldn't be complaining. I should be thankful that things weren't worse. Right?

When I am stressed out and need to think, I wash the dishes. (Unfortunately, that is the only time I wash the dishes. Not really.) Without Eamon's help. And I talked to God. Right out loud, I told him that I wanted someone to support me, to feel sorry for me, to take care of me, to accept me just as I was and help me get my work done. I told him I was tired of taking care of stuff and making life go smoothly. I told him that I didn't want sympathy and patronization, I wanted someone...

He told me, "Be still and know that I am God."

I was still and realized I had to go to the bathroom.

After dealing with all the urgent things, I made my mind be still and listen to the Holy Spirit. I know it is the Holy Spirit when he speaks God's Word to me. He said, "God is Love." Not that God loves, though He does that too, but God IS Love. He was, in His essence, the exact thing I was longing for. And He was offering himself to me. I just needed to be still to see that He was there. His peace filled me and I stopped the over-self-analysis. I know it was His peace because the boys woke up before the dishes got done, and I didn't get mad.